The following is written by a guest blogger. The opinions expressed here are those of the writer and do not reflect the opinions of Bob Lacey, Sheri Lynch or the Bob & Sheri show.
Today I sat across from my doctor,
whom I had come to because of heart palpitations,
and she asked me what I do to relax.
The word sounded so foreign that I just sat there mentally clapping at, and willing my neurons to look alive and help me think of an answer.
I am a mother of four.
I do daycare in my home.
I’m helping plan my oldest daughter’s wedding.
I have two pre-teen girls, getting ready to enter Jr. high,
and my seven year old daughter does karate.
On everything.
Everything including a giant, expensive wheel of Brie in the cheese case of the fancy grocery store.
“Dat last one was hard to chop,” she said motioning to the Parmesan with her thumb.
“Dat one? It was not.”
I tried to pop out the dent she had made in the packaging to no avail.
See.
This is no time to relax.
Weeks ago my mom pitched the idea of taking all three younger girls to her house for a couple of weeks this summer to give me and my oldest more free time to plan for the wedding.
I’ve hardly been able to wrap my mind around that offer, but this Friday, ready or not,
Those days will commence.
11 child free days here at home alone.
11 days of sleeping in, and only cooking for two people.
11 days to spend getting rid of things in their rooms that they’ll never miss,
but that they’d become inseparable with if they were here to witness the items being tossed.
11 days where the only snack I get is my own.
Days without speeches about permanent markers and how they bleed,
if those clothes going into the hamper are actually dirty or not,
and where our garbage goes.
Days spent sleeping in the starfish position in my bed because no one is going to come clambering up onto my body at 2am hisspering at me please will I tickle their back.
Friends…..
11 days without a soaking wet bathroom rug.
Everyone I tell about this plan says how wonderful it will be, and I’m sure that lots of parts of it will be.
I’m not going to lie that the idea of no one waking me up on a Saturday to tell me the toilet is overflowing because their poop was “WAY big,” (this morning)
or that the dog ate their shoes again (also this morning)
sounds pretty appealing.
I’ll wear that T-shirt till it fades.
But even with those palpitations, and need to relax, the truth is,
I’m having a hard time picturing any kind of good life without them here all up in it.
Their brand of chaos is the one that I rep.
Sure, a couples massage followed by pedicures sounds nice.
Sure, not finding three dirty paper plates shoved underneath the couch growing mold sounds cool.
Sure, not listening to three-way tattling and a chorus of “Its not fair”s sounds inviting,
but that is just the life I live.
Also, I’m a little afraid that Justin and I alone for the first extended time after 14 years of marriage, and diving into all this luxury is going to look a whole lot like a modern version of the Beverly Hillbillies.
We’re here for the good life!
Never mind that we’re sitting on moving piles of trash and missing more than a few of our teeth.
Mom Outnumbered
Hi! My name is Kerri Green; Wife to Justin, and mother to four highly entertaining daughters -Alena, Chloe, Tessa, and Paige. I am an artist, a writer, a daycare provider, a lover of people, a believer that there is humor and beauty in all things, and the author of Mom Outnumbered; a blog about real family life, and my observations of it. My goal is to make people laugh, to be there for them when they cry, and most importantly, to let them know that they are not at all alone in this up and down world. I live with my family in Sebastopol California, and I am opening the window into our life. So welcome! Come in. Sit down. Just please don’t mind the mysterious wet spots.
