I have a new guilty pleasure.
Lifetime’s “Married at First Sight.”
The premise is three brand new couples, matched by relationship experts,
who agree to have their first meeting with one another be at the end of their wedding aisle.
They’ve never laid eyes on one another before.
They get married without knowing each other’s NAMES.
The marriages are legally binding.
The show, then, follows these couples for the next 6 weeks as they get to know one another, and as they decide whether to continue the marriage,
or to just let it end.
(I’ve found I like shows that make me feel better about my own life.)
These individuals discussing in front of the camera how hard their marriages have been,
and how many challenges they have faced in 6 little baby weeks just make me smile,
shake my head, and whisper,
“Oh, Honey. Just wait.”
In other words:
I am HERE FOR IT.
The things I “had to get over” by week 6 look like rainbow glitter cupcake unicorns next to us at year 14.
The absolute life crisis that happened for me when my husband of one year chose to get me a…
drumroll…
LAWN GNOME as my first year anniversary gift seems so over-reactive now next to receiving only moisture-wicking socks for my Christmas year 13.
Today I went for a pedicure.
Four hours after I had returned, my daughter Chloe noticed:
CHLOE: “Your toes turned out pretty.”
ME: “Thank you, Sweetie.”
JUSTIN: “Oh yeah! That’s right. How was your pedicure?”
ME: “It was great, except for when they had to use the dremel tool. They’re so soft now, though.”
JUSTIN: “Let me feel.” *analyzes*
ME: *awaits compliment*
JUSTIN: “I feel like they could have gone a little longer on this part right here.
*taps*
What happened?
Did you burn up their engine?”
*dies laughing while I think about duct tape*
This wasn’t the first, or even hundredth time my husband has wooed me so.
There was three weeks ago when:
JUSTIN: “Ew. Look at this weird thing on my foot. Gross! Look at it. Do you want to touch it?”
ME: “No. I do not want to touch it,
and I’m actually not even going to look at it so please stop shoving it at me.”
JUSTIN: “What? That’s rude. I think wives should be more like, ‘Aww, Babe. I’m so so sorry. How can I help you and your weird toe?”
ME: “I used to be like that before you had some weird foot thing happening constantly for the last 16 years and you always wanted me to look at it.
It’s like sneezing.
You get two ‘Bless you’s.
After the second time, you’re done here.”
Or several months ago:
*middle of the night in the dark*
ME: “Justin. Justin? Justin! Please will you put your CPAP mask on? You’re snoring so loud.”
JUSTIN: *snarfle* *half asleep*
“Oh my gosh, Kerri. If I had a dollar for every time you’ve asked me that…”
ME: “If I had a dollar for every time the side of my face was getting sucked into your wide open mouth, more like.”
HIM: *puts on mask*
ME: *keeps on loving him*
US: *stretch out legs so feet touch each other
– a married version of holding hands*
There is the good.
The things that make me smile.
One of my actual favorite parts of marriage is his commentary on shows I watch that he doesn’t get.
HIM: “Why is Grey’s Anatomy STILL ON?! Aren’t there, like, 74 seasons?!
Why is that guy crying in Bachelor in Paradise? Doesn’t he know that’s weird?
Does he need some medication?”
and
“Oh my gosh WHY ARE HIS ARMS DOING THAT?!”
I just sit and laugh at him taking it in.
Me: The gentle companion,
trying to explain parts of our world
Him: The Old Man Muppet,
somehow sarcastically making me question every show I once used to love
On Sunday my oldest, newly married daughter met us for brunch.
(Well, that and to have my emotional support as she revealed to my very conservative mother her second tattoo…)
Early in our brunch she received a call from her new husband.
The concern over whatever he had to say caused her to literally leap up and flee from our brunch in order to hear.
She was gone nearly our entire brunch.
I remember those early days when you’d abandon your benedict.
They were kind of cute.
But there’s something to be said for year 14.
When your relationship is more cotton than French silk.
I can’t remember the last time we actually talked on the phone,
but BOY can Justin send GIFs that make me laugh.
There’s something to be said for someone who knows the texture of your feet and says that they don’t like them,
but who is willing to stretch out theirs to touch them in the dark as their comfort in the night.
I kind of weirdly treasure slapping his bare back so that he’ll stop snoring.
I’ll remember it when we’re old.
That is marriage – Year 14.
Around now you start to learn what to hold onto.
You learn to let go of the lawn gnomes,
but maybe hold onto the fact that you married someone who rented a truck recently and spent almost his entire day hauling rock loads and shoveling them to prepare for the pool we planned to put up for the girls.
A man who poured sweat, and then could hardly move one of his legs.
That particular night,
Paige asked him to come lay with her at bed time.
He shuffled in, exhausted, contorted into her bottom bunk sound asleep for hours;
His arm draped over his girl.
In marriage it’s really easy to focus on all the things your spouse doesn’t do.
The times they didn’t listen.
Their awkward gifts you can’t believe.
Tonight I’m thinking about the fact that mine is doing the thing he worried he could never do:
He’s being a truly great family man that makes me and the girls laugh every day.
Flaws, failures, struggles like any of us,
but still shoveling the hard rock and cradling daughters who love him enough to call him their comfort.
Not too long ago, after the kids were in bed, Justin told me to come with him outside.
He flipped off the living room light, and then the porch light after that,
and he led me out to look up into the sky above us.
“It’s been so amazing lately,” he said, pointing to a crystal clear canopy.
“I come out on my way to work and just stand here for a minute looking up.
I keep thinking that I want to show you.”
So we stood there just looking,
and listening to the kind of silence that almost rings in your ears;
and I thought about how it’s those very moments I most dreamed about,
and how lucky I am to have someone out there who thinks of me when they look
at the stars.
Tonight as I thought about our life,
and how unexpected it’s been,
Up and down. Happy and sad.
Justin approached me to kiss me goodnight.
His lips were cocked oddly sideways.
“Goodnight” He croaked with his eyes crossed, trying to make me laugh.
“Funny you would do that when I’m literally sitting here contemplating just how weird you are,” I smiled as I kissed him.
He’s weird but he is my weird,
and we’ve put too much in to give up now.
So I dedicate this poem
to the one I roll my eyes at,
laugh outright at,
cannot believe said that thing,
and to the one I’d choose all over again at the end of my aisle.
For Justin:
Our eyes have been on each other
and our eyes have been on ourselves.
We have laid on glass beaches with our fingers intertwined,
and laid in our bed with our back to each other.
We have laughed when our insides were crying,
and cried in the midst of laughter.
We have known beauty indescribable,
and climbed mountains that seemed insurmountable.
We have loved intensely, laughed uncontrollably, and clung to each other like life rafts in the tossing seas, when nothing else could be seen for miles.
We have gained, and lost, and given, and gotten, and whispered, and shouted, and breathed in, and poured out everything we’ve had.
We have cuddled before fires, and collapsed on hard, cold floors;
And still,
above all,
we have stood.
Together.
Joined.
Committed.
Devoted.
Willing to be always and forever
TOGETHER.
This article was written by a guest blogger. The opinions expressed here are those of the writer and do not reflect the opinions of Bob Lacey, Sheri Lynch or the Bob & Sheri show.
Mom Outnumbered
Hi! My name is Kerri Green; Wife to Justin, and mother to four highly entertaining daughters -Alena, Chloe, Tessa, and Paige. I am an artist, a writer, a daycare provider, a lover of people, a believer that there is humor and beauty in all things, and the author of Mom Outnumbered; a blog about real family life, and my observations of it. My goal is to make people laugh, to be there for them when they cry, and most importantly, to let them know that they are not at all alone in this up and down world. I live with my family in Sebastopol California, and I am opening the window into our life. So welcome! Come in. Sit down. Just please don’t mind the mysterious wet spots.
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