Last week I helped my oldest daughter carry boxes into a college dorm room. We made the bed, organized, unloaded, opened boxes, cleaned, the hubby hung pictures. Then we went out to eat and left. Then, somehow, after eighteen years of school pickups, dance recitals, cheerleading, late-night fevers, AP exams, coffee and matcha dates, and ordinary Tuesdays, we hugged her goodbye and cried and drove home
People always ask if she’s ready. I don’t know, I think so, I know she’s excited, I know she is a very intelligent girl. But the better question is….. Am I?
As parents, we spend years worrying about whether we’ve taught our kids enough. Did we show them how to change the oil? Can they make a doctor’s appointment? Do they know how to do laundry? Will they remember to lock their doors? Eat vegetables? Call home?
Those things matter. They absolutely do. Still, the older my daughters get, the less I worry about whether they can sort lights from darks in the washing machine. I find myself hoping they leave home with something much harder to teach. The way they speak to themselves, the way they let other people treat them, the way they define success, the way they recover after disappointment, the way they care for their minds as much as their resumes.
If I could send my daughters into adulthood with a list, it wouldn’t be about becoming perfect adults.
It would look something like this:
- Know that your worth has never been measured by your GPA, your salary, your relationship status, your body, or how productive you are
- The world will try to convince you otherwise. Don’t believe it
- Move your body because it makes you feel alive, not because you’re trying to earn your dinner
- Rest before your body forces you to
- Call your grandparents
- Call your sister
- Call your parents
- Wear sunscreen
- Drink water.
- Say thank you
- Learn to apologize without apologizing for existing
- Trust actions more than words
- If someone consistently makes you feel small, believe that feeling and they are not your people.
- Trust your gut, if something or someone feels off, they are. You don’t need to be nice or owe anyone an apology, just leave.
- No grown man will ever need help from a teenage girl, if he’s lost, if he needs help lifting or carrying something, if he really needs help he will find another grown man to help him.
- The right people won’t require you to become someone else to belong
- Please remember that confidence isn’t something you’re born with, I work on mine daily. It’s like a muscle.
- You don’t have to have your entire life figured out by twenty-two, twenty-five, or even forty-five
- The people who seem like they have it all together are often improvising or faking it.
- Comparison is the thief of joy.
- Social media is a highlight reel, not a measuring stick.
- Your nervous system matters.
- You don’t have to earn rest.
- You don’t have to optimize every minute.
- You don’t have to hustle your way into being worthy.
- Some of the happiest people you’ll meet aren’t the most accomplished. They’re the ones who learned how to enjoy an ordinary Tuesday.
- Protect your peace.
- Protect your curiosity.
- Protect your kindness.
- Success without health isn’t success.
- Achievement without joy isn’t success either.
- I hope you call me when you’re excited.
- I hope you call me when you’re heartbroken.
- I hope you call me when you fail a test, get lost, burn dinner, lock yourself out of your dorm, or miss home.
- You never have to earn your way back to me.
- No mistake will ever make you too much.
- No success will ever make me love you more than I already do, you are already so worthy.
And maybe that’s the biggest lesson I hope you’ve learned these past 18 years, home was never supposed to make you stay, it was supposed to make you brave enough to leave.
Love,
Mom
Nikki Lanigan
Nikki Lanigan is a yoga, HIIT, and Barre instructor, she is also a Holistic Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Nikki is trained in Yoga Shred, Yoga Psychology, meditation, chakra balancing, and EFT/Tapping. She has done trainings with Sadie Nardini and Ashley Turner. She got her 200 hour yoga teacher training in 2017 at the Carrie Treister School Of Yoga. Nikki takes a holistic view of health, helping her students and clients reach a place of self-love not just through movement, but with mindset and lifestyle guidance as well. Nikki is also show prep writer for The McVay Media Show Prep and host of the podcast Fit, Fun, and Frazzled. Connect with Nikki on Instagram. www.instagram.com/nikkilanigan.yogaandwellness www.instagram.com/fitfunandfrazzledpodcast
