Believe

They were made with heavy stock paper. My name, followed by Assistant Vice President was printed with foil stamping that twinkled in the right light. I rubbed them between my fingers. I smelled them. I placed them in my card holder on my desk. I put them in my wallet.

In a decade I had gone from eating welfare peanut butter to toasting my promotion with martinis at Morton’s.

However, all the business cards and fancy steak house martinis in the world couldn’t hide that deep inside I was still just a scared little kid. A kid who thought that she could fix everything by being good enough, successful enough. A kid whose fear begat bitterness; whose bitterness begat entitlement; whose entitlement begat narcissism.

I believed that I was the only reason for any success that I had. I don’t believe that anymore.

Here’s what I do believe:

● I believe that voting is not only a right but a responsibility.
● I believe that much of the vileness in the world stems from fear of the unknown.
● I believe in true, unending love.
● I believe in my daughter’s special brand of magic.
● I believe in good hugs and great manners.
● I believe that respect must be earned.
● I believe that my husband is one helluva guy.
● I believe that we are better than this.
● I believe that there is a higher power than us.
● I believe that immigrants built the United States of America.
● I believe in good friends.
● I believe in listening.
● I believe in loyalty.
● I believe her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her and her.
● I believe in moving forward.
● I believe that rights aren’t like slices of pizza.
● I believe in heartbreak and grief.
● I believe in nasty women.
● I believe in the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
● I believe that we have spiritual guiding forces.
● I believe in laughing until you cry and crying until you laugh.
● I believe in calling bullsh*t.
● I believe in hard work.
● I believe that we must work together.
● I believe in peaceful protest.
● I believe in acceptance.
● I believe in going to the funeral.
● I believe that when people show you who they are, you really should believe them.
● I believe that because it worked in 1958 doesn’t mean that it will work in 2018.
● I believe in good journalism.
● I believe in miracles.
● I believe in the future.
● I believe that looking the other way makes you guilty.
● I believe that if you are hungry you should be given something to eat, if you are thirsty you should be given something to drink and if you are a stranger you should be invited in.
● I believe that not one mind is going to be changed by a meme.
● I believe that a good book can take you anywhere.
● I believe that sometimes you need to ask for and accept help.
● I believe in black coffee and in red wine.
● I believe in tolerance.
● I believe in facts.
● I believe in building people up.
● I believe in tearing walls down.
● I believe in science and reason and logic and evolution.
● I believe in forgiveness.
● I believe that my way is not aways the only or even the right way.
● I believe in telling people that you love them – in words and actions.
● I believe that there is abuse of the system, but the system is still necessary.
● I believe in the right to choose.
● I believe in admitting when you’re wrong.
● I believe in saying excuse me, please, thank you and you’re welcome.
● I believe in giving my seat to an elder.
● I believe in holding the door open for those who are coming behind us.
● I believe in a cold beer on a hot summer night.
● I believe in fighting the good fight.
● I believe that oceans and mountains are good for your soul.
● I believe that rain on a tin roof is one of the most soothing sounds in the world.
● I believe in peace by way of movie theater.
● I believe in being comfortable at a keg party and at a cocktail party.
● I believe in family dinners.
● I believe in a good cry.
● I believe in just doing it.
● I believe that poor white-trash kids of drug addicts can find happiness by owning who they are.
● I believe that being gay is no more a choice than being left-handed or having green eyes.
● I believe that it will get better.

And, I believe that, in the end, love will win.

Soshally Awkward

Sosha Lewis is a writer whose work has been featured in The Washington Post, Huffington Post, MUTHA Magazine and The Charlotte Observer. She writes about her sometimes wild, sometimes hilarious, sometimes heartbreaking past filled with free-lunches, a grimy sports bar, a six foot tall Albino woman who tried to save her teenage soul, felonious, drug addicted parents, an imaginary friend named Blueberry and growing up nestled in the coal-dusted mountains of West Virginia.