The other night, as I tried to fall asleep, my mind refused to settle. It spun in a dozen directions at once—replaying conversations, planning tomorrow, questioning the bigger picture of life. In that sleepless swirl, a quiet thought rose up: Have you ever felt like you weren’t on one side or the other?
It wasn’t about politics, teams, or even opinions. It was about belonging—where I fit in the greater scheme of things. Sometimes life places us firmly in one camp or another. But other times, we hover in the threshold, in that liminal space where nothing is fully defined.
The Discomfort of Not Knowing
At first, the in-between can feel unsettling. We’re wired to want clarity, to want answers. Our brains are pattern-seeking machines, constantly trying to categorize and make sense of our experiences. Society amplifies this need, pushing us to “pick a side,” whether it’s about career choices, relationships, political beliefs, or the fundamental way we see ourselves in the world.
This pressure to choose creates an underlying anxiety that many of us carry without even realizing it. We scroll through social media and see people who seem so certain, so committed to their paths. We attend gatherings where everyone else appears to have found their tribe, their calling, their clear sense of purpose. And there we are, still figuring it out, still wondering if we’re doing it right.
But what if this uncertainty isn’t a flaw to be fixed? What if the discomfort we feel in the in-between is actually growing pains—the stretching that happens when we’re expanding beyond who we used to be?
The Gift of Perspective
The in-between is where perspective grows. When we’re not anchored to one particular viewpoint, we become like water, able to flow around obstacles and see situations from multiple angles. We develop what psychologists call “cognitive flexibility”—the ability to switch between different concepts and adapt our thinking to new information.
This liminal space becomes a laboratory for the soul. It’s where we get to try on different versions of ourselves, to explore ideas without the immediate pressure to commit to them permanently. We can ask ourselves the deeper questions that don’t have easy answers:
- What direction do my thoughts keep circling back to?
- If I didn’t have to choose at this moment, what space feels most like “home”?
- What feels true to me, not just expected of me?
- When do I feel most alive and authentic?
- What would I choose if I knew no one was watching or judging?
Learning to Sit with Uncertainty
There’s a Buddhist concept called “don’t-know mind”—a state of openness that doesn’t rush to fill every silence with an answer. It’s the wisdom of admitting when we don’t know something, rather than pretending we do. In our culture that glorifies expertise and certainty, this can feel almost radical.
But think about the most transformative moments in your life. How many of them happened when you were absolutely certain about the outcome? More likely, they emerged from periods of not knowing, from times when you were willing to step into the unknown and see what unfolded.
The in-between teaches us patience with ourselves. It shows us that becoming is not a linear process with a clear destination, but rather a series of discoveries, some small and some profound, that gradually reveal who we’re meant to be.
Finding Peace in the Process
Sometimes, the answers don’t come at night when we’re lying in bed analyzing every detail of our lives. Sometimes, it’s enough to rest in the questioning itself—to let your mind wander without demanding immediate resolution. There’s something profoundly healing about giving ourselves permission to not have it all figured out.
Sleep eventually comes, and in the morning, life has a way of clarifying what felt so blurry in the dark. The harsh edges of midnight worries soften in daylight. What seemed like an urgent crisis of identity or direction often reveals itself to be simply part of the natural rhythm of growth and change.
The Sacred Space of Becoming
So, if you’ve ever found yourself in the middle—neither here nor there—maybe that’s not something to fix. Maybe that’s the sacred space where you’re simply becoming. Maybe it’s where you’re gathering the experiences and wisdom you’ll need for whatever comes next.
The in-between might be where you discover that you don’t have to choose just one thing, that you can be multifaceted and complex. It might be where you realize that the question itself is more interesting than the answer, that the journey of exploration is more valuable than arriving at a fixed destination.
In a world that often feels polarized and divided, perhaps we need more people who are comfortable existing in the spaces between certainties. Perhaps we need more voices that can say, “I don’t know yet, but I’m paying attention. I’m staying open. I’m learning as I go.”
Reflection for you: Have you ever had a moment when you weren’t on one side or the other, but instead found yourself in that space in-between? Did it feel unsettling, or did it open up a new perspective? What did that liminal space teach you about yourself, and how did it shape who you’re becoming?
Theresa
Flexible Being
Empowering Your Journey to Healing, Clarity, and Self-Discovery.
I thank you for being here. If you enjoyed this post, there’s plenty more where that came from, everything from soulful healing tips to playful prompts and real conversations about life.
Find me and connect today. I want to know your story:
Email: theresa@flexiblebeing.com
Website: www.flexiblebeing.com
Instagram: @theresamartinezshapiro | @flexiblebeing
Theresa Martinez-Shapiro
Hello! I am Theresa Martinez-Shapiro; Wife to Robert. Founder of Flexible Being. A Master Reiki Therapist, Certified Oracle Guide, Spiritual Mentor/Guide, Intuitive Empath, Coach, and Educator. I am a fur mom to 3 cats and 1 dog – Sonny, Patches, Ryelee, and Winnie. We currently live and practice in Stockton, California. We operate three businesses – Shapiro Holistic Health and Chiropractic, Fusion Health APC, and Synergy Health MSO, where we seek to improve and change the lives of our patients and those we have the privilege of crossing paths with. My healing and mentoring journey began around 5 years old when I discovered that I was put on this planet to help others. I knew I was different, unique, and gifted. I did not see the world the same way everyone else did, and recognized I was meant to do so much more. I began to research, spending a lot of time reading & asking a lot of questions to anyone that wanted to share stories about their life experiences. I am a dreamer and had a unique relationship with the dream world. My very real, vivid & lucid dreams began turning into out-of-body experiences and unexplained occurrences. I began doing my own dream interpretations to look for patterns & a new way of deciphering life. Family members were part of many different religions, so I was educated in Catholicism, Buddhism, Metaphysics, and Native American culture & beliefs. Along the way, I took up multiple mentors that cultivated my growth and expansion of my gifts, allowing me to focus on my potential and purpose. As an adult, coworkers were unloading their life stories, internal secrets, and things that had not been shared or even spoken out loud. I began to share those experiences with my aunt & Reiki Master/Teacher, Carmen. In 2012, Carmen told me, “I think you are ready to walk the path I always knew you were meant to walk”. That saying began my obsessive journey into Reiki, Spirituality, Psychology, Intuition and Psychic gifts, Meditation and Mindfulness, Past Lives, Consciousness, Energy Medicine, Mysteries of the Universe, Moon and Sun cycles, Astrology, Numerology, Oracle Cards, Shamanism, & so much more. My journey has helped me to assist patients, clients, families, and friends discover who they have been, who they are, and who they want to become. I am expanding my reach and educating others by authoring Musings of a Flexible Being, and I look forward to sharing my journey with you. Thank you! Theresa Martinez-Shapiro Flexible Being Website: www.flexiblebeing.com Socials: Facebook: @flexiblebeingonline Instagram:@theresamartinezshapiro Instagram: @flexiblebeing
