Two words in the English language send chills down my spine like no other. They give me an overwhelming sense of dread and, if I’m being totally honest, they make me downright angry. Those two words are team building.
Fuck team building.
Okay, now I got that out of the way, let me explain. I’m a fairly outgoing person by nature. I usually enjoy working with others. Yes, I’ve grown a little more introverted as I’ve aged, but I can hang in most social situations. Hell, I’ve done public relations for more than 20 years. If there are two things I can do, it is working with others and kissing some ass. To be fair, usually my work does not involve a ton of ass-kissing because I like most of the people I deal with, but there are always a few in the crowd.
As someone who makes a living at dealing with people, you would think I would be all-in on some fun-filled team building exercises. Nothing could be further from the truth. They damn near enrage me. I get tense, anxious and mad.
Throughout my career, especially when working in an office setting, I have been subjected to numerous hours and even days of team building. I can tell you with great certainty I have never once enjoyed it. I have no desire to know what color my personality is or to build a fucking bridge out of popsicle sticks with my fellow team members.
I want to be clear this has never been a reflection of my co-workers. I have worked with some fantastic folks I would take a bullet for, but I’m not standing on a table and falling backward expecting them to catch me. That is bullshit.
What I really want to know is, has anyone in the history of mankind ever taken away anything useful from a day of team building? I cannot think of one instance where I’ve ever heard a fellow team builder say, “Hell, yeah. That was time well spent!” We all know it is just a day of emails and phone calls you are going to have to jump through your ass to get caught up on.
I will say some folks seem to have a higher level of buy-in than others. I know my level is the lowest possible, but I think I’ve always done a good job of faking it. I could be wrong. Lord knows I am the queen of a good eye roll. I’ve been a part of some of these stupid sessions where it is a wonder someone did not have to knock me in the back of my head to dislodge my eyes.
I would really like to know who came up with this team building horse shit? Are they in on the joke? Is there a team building class requirement for human resource professionals? I feel like all the HR people just got together and thought of the best ways to torture employees and labeled it “Team Building.”
I now own my own business and I’m an office of one—three if you count my two canine co-workers. I can assure you I have not subjected my dogs to any self-growth via team building. In fact, I hope I never have to do that shit again as long as I live. It amuses my husband how hostile I get at the mere mention of it. I also apologize for the amount of profanity in the post. The talk of team building brings out the worst in me.
Life is short, people. Making folks rate random items they want on a desert island is not going to help them work better as a team. How about instead, you buy them a nice meal and a couple of drinks? Give them an opportunity to share their life experiences in a social setting. Treat employees, don’t torture them. Again, I say, fuck team building.
I’m a nurse. We never have enough players to make a legal or ethical team. Thank God for the few that are willing to help when they are drowning too. Team building is a joke
My dad and a few of his coworkers took the day/afternoon off and went to a Major League Baseball game together. They called it team building to their employer. I’m sure it was just that.