*Ted Lasso Season 2, Episode 10 Spoiler Alert*
“Tell me something you loved about him.”
And, Ted Lasso did.
As he recounted a story about how his father stayed up all night to read a book so that he could tell Ted all about it so that he wouldn’t get a bad grade, his anger about his dad’s suicide melted away. It didn’t mean that Ted was completely healed from the trauma of this life altering event. But, it did allow him a reprieve, no matter how brief, to remember that his father was more than his suicide.
When my mother died of an overdose almost 13 years ago, I was bitterly angry.
Anger is easy. There isn’t a lot of nuance to anger. That is why it feels so damn good sometimes.
Anger is necessary. Just as sadness and happiness are.
I deserved to be royally pissed off at my mom. However, I deserved to forgive her too.
Although anger may sometimes electrify your bones, it will also kill you. However, the killing, anger does that slowly.
I was almost too far gone before I realized that I had to get help.
That is when I started remembering the things that I loved about my mom.
She had a wonderful smile that was as warm as a spring day. Her laundry always smelled so good. She carried me off a mountainside when I broke both of my arms. She gave great hugs. She taught me to swim at Linkous. She took me for cherry Cokes at the Flat Iron. She loved orange SweeTarts. She introduced me to Janis Joplin. Law and Order was her favorite show.
Eventually, this allowed me to forgive her. Does this mean that I have forgotten all the mounds of trash that she piled on me? Hell no. But, it does allow me to remember that she, like most everyone else, was so much more than her worst qualities.
I hate that my mom didn’t know how great she had the potential to be. I wish I could have told her.
However, since I couldn’t tell her, I have decided to try to use this technique with those with whom I still have the opportunity. Not only do I try to tell people that I love them or that I am thinking about them, but I also try to remember that people are more than the one aspect of them that may have me pissed off in that moment.
That’s not to say that I don’t screw up or that I go around spouting non-stop rainbow-colored affirmations. I have an affection for solitude, a natural gravitation towards pettiness and I trend in the way of a superiority complex. After years of work, I still damn sure ain’t always easy.
But, I will give you grace.
And, I will remember the things I love about you even when I don’t like you.
*Tell someone something you love about them today. Just do it. It may be a little awkward, but a little awkwardness is so much better than regret.*
This article was written by a guest blogger. The opinions expressed here are those of the writer and do not reflect the opinions of Bob Lacey, Sheri Lynch or the Bob & Sheri show.
Soshally Awkward
Sosha Lewis is a writer whose work has been featured in The Washington Post, Huffington Post, MUTHA Magazine and The Charlotte Observer. She writes about her sometimes wild, sometimes hilarious, sometimes heartbreaking past filled with free-lunches, a grimy sports bar, a six foot tall Albino woman who tried to save her teenage soul, felonious, drug addicted parents, an imaginary friend named Blueberry and growing up nestled in the coal-dusted mountains of West Virginia.
