The Year I Stopped Adding to the List
Every year around my birthday, I’ve made a tradition of writing a list, 40 things I’ve learned, 41 things I know for sure, 42 lessons from my 40s, and so on. It started as a reflection practice, a way to mark growth and gratitude. But this year, as I turn 47, I don’t feel like adding to that list, I don’t want to force a new “lesson” just to keep up the pattern. I want to pause, breathe, and be honest about where I really am, not where I think I should be.
Early 40s, Mid 40s, and Now
40-43 is early 40’s 44-46 is mid 40’s and 47-49 late 40’s and nearing 50. 50!
When I look back, my early 40s felt like discovery. I was learning who I was after years of being a mom, a wife, a teacher, a doer. I started finding my voice again, through yoga, writing, and my podcast.
My mid-40s have felt like mud, growth is happening, but it’s slow. It’s the kind of growth you can’t always see from the outside, the internal kind that happens between breakdowns, burnout, and breakthroughs.
Now, entering my late 40s, everything feels both clearer and more complicated. I’m softer in some ways, stronger in others. I trust myself more, yet I still wrestle with doubt.
And lately, I’ve been asking myself a hard question:
Why don’t I feel successful, even when I know I’ve built something meaningful? Why do I still feel like I am not where I think I should be financial, successful enough in my late 40’s.
The Comparison Trap
I come from a family of extremely successful people, my mom, dad, sister, and husband all have impressive careers and clear paths. And then there’s me, still building my business, still pivoting, still figuring it out.
Some days I still forget that definition and even other days I look around and wonder if I should have done more by now. Then I have days, I look at my daughters, or I get messages from my students, or from women who listen to my podcast or follow me on Instagram, who feel seen through my words, classes and workshops and I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
The Shift I’m Making at 47
So instead of writing “47 things I’ve learned,” I’m rewriting the story of success, for myself, and maybe for anyone else who feels behind or “not enough.”
• Success can look like staying true to your integrity when the world rewards shortcuts.
• Success can be starting again, even when no one’s watching.
• Success can mean creating something that heals, not just something that sells.
• Success can be the quiet joy of knowing you didn’t give up on yourself.
Maybe the late 40s aren’t about adding to the list, but editing it, keeping what’s true, releasing what’s outdated, and making space for what’s next.
I am truly beginning to see growth doesn’t mean moreI think it means enough.
This Birthday, I’m Choosing…
To let go of the timelines.
To stop comparing my chapter to someone else’s.
To remember that fulfillment doesn’t have a deadline.
And to trust that late bloomers grow the most grounded roots.
So here’s to 47, the year I stop striving to add one more thing to the list, and start living the lessons I’ve already learned.
And remembering most importantly my kids, family and myself have our health. I think that is what should really matter.
Nikki Lanigan
Nikki Lanigan is a yoga, HIIT, and Barre instructor, she is also a Holistic Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Nikki is trained in Yoga Shred, Yoga Psychology, meditation, chakra balancing, and EFT/Tapping. She has done trainings with Sadie Nardini and Ashley Turner. She got her 200 hour yoga teacher training in 2017 at the Carrie Treister School Of Yoga. Nikki takes a holistic view of health, helping her students and clients reach a place of self-love not just through movement, but with mindset and lifestyle guidance as well. Nikki is also show prep writer for The McVay Media Show Prep and host of the podcast Fit, Fun, and Frazzled. Connect with Nikki on Instagram. www.instagram.com/nikkilanigan.yogaandwellness www.instagram.com/fitfunandfrazzledpodcast
