Lots of things stink. I mean that literally, not figuratively. I was reminded of this recently in the car when my daughter took off her tennis shoes she has had for a while. A pair of cloth Nike’s that have gotten wet and dried on their own multiple times. I may have cracked the car window.
My husband will tell you the most stinky thing on earth is a hockey penalty box. I’m guessing that is pretty bad. All those big sweaty men in pads that are never washed. Yuck. He learned of this horrific odor during Josie’s brief ice hockey career. The intro program was “free” but we had to put in several volunteer hours. We also bought like 50 coupons for pizza, but that is another story. It was good pizza. Yes, we ate all 50 ourselves because we were new to town and knew no to sell the damn coupons. Truth be told, I miss that pizza.
While my husband was fighting the stench in the penalty box, I got stuck in the concession stand. That sounds like a pimp gig compared to my husband’s box of stink. However, this girl has a severe aversion to tubular meat and was put on brat and wiener duty. So gross.
At the time we had a detached garage. I parked my car in there and was pretty much naked before I got into the house, shedding the clothes that smelled of tubular meat as I ran into the house. I went straight to the shower. The smell of spinning brats and wieners will stick to a person, I’m here to tell you. I know I washed my hair at least three times. I may have burned the clothes. I can’t recall.
Josie has her own idea of bad smells. She called me a few weeks ago to tell me about her agriculture class lab. She said, “Mom, do you know the worst smell in the world?” I replied without a moment’s hesitation, “Yes. Pig shit.” I was met with a surprise, “Yes! How did you know that!?”
I went on to explain that my uncle had a pig farm. He was also the principal of my elementary and junior high school. He lived nearby and I could have easily done the seven-minute ride to my school with him. However, his truck smelled so badly of pig shit, I opted to ride the bus for more than an hour. Junior high is hard. I didn’t need to roll up in there reeking of pig shit.
They say memory is triggered most by smells. I believe it. More than 20 years later my sister and I were both working at a bourbon distillery. We were doing an event and had to drive one of the distillery trucks. We got in and sat down and immediately looked at each other and yelled, “Uncle Jack!” in unison. I’m not sure why the distillery truck smelled like pig shit. I guess it was all the grain and such. I should also apologize to my Uncle Jack for the fact that I so closely associate him with the smell of pig shit.
Back to Josie’s feet. I have a very sensitive nose. While it makes me a great whiskey taster, it can be a pain, too. Especially when it comes to soccer cleats. Oh, the vinegar and OxiClean I went through during Josie’s soccer career. It was a massive amount. One of my besties gave me that pro tip specifically for soccer cleats. It works. It will get rid of the stink—at least temporarily.
My daughter says skunk and coffee have the same smell. I get there are similar notes. However, we once had a wirehaired dog who thought he could take on a skunk—multiple times. The result was not a pleasant cup of morning coffee, it was horrific. Thank God for the internet and the person who posted how to get rid of that stink.
In the end, I think pig shit is still the winner. A hog farmer I will never be. Luckily, one of my best friends in Oklahoma has that covered.
Angela Traver
What is this blog about? Well, it's a general blog, but it is also a very specific blog. If you get that reference, you get a gold star! I have been a public relations professional and writer of press releases for more than 20 years—primarily in the booze biz. I decided to do some writing for fun and embrace the humor that gets me through most days. Hopefully it will make you chuckle—or at least smile. I’m a certified crazy magnet, and more than a little nutty myself, so buckle up. Also, I have two vices—profanity and red wine/whiskey. You’ve been warned. It should also be noted, that I’m a HUGE Bob & Sheri fan. I’ve been a listener for more than 20 years. This opportunity is a dream come true and it may have made me cry. That being said, I cry at everything. If you are into booze, dogs, food and/or knitting, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (although I’m terrible at Twitter and it scares me) @kyspiritsgal. You can also find all my previous blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com.
