First of all, I love the word “dichotomy” and feel like Cher in the movie Clueless picking a word to sporadically start using (pun intended).
In today’s social media landscape, influencers have emerged using a variety of different names like healers, spiritual guides, and coaches, of which I am one as well. I am not judging the titles they give themselves; this is not what this is about. They use their platforms to inspire, uplift, and guide others. With messages of unity, love, and personal growth, they seek to share insights through their own personal struggles and triumphs. They want to help heal, teach, and connect with communities. Yet the very nature of social media, with its emphasis on visibility and personal branding, reveals a complex dichotomy between the role of a healer and the demands of digital influence. This tension becomes especially clear for those of us who approach this space thoughtfully, with a desire to avoid self-promotion and ego. I don’t ever want to come across as narcissistic, egotistical, or bragging. For people like me, who also engage sincerely with these figures, the challenges are heightened when our polite questions or concerns are met with defensiveness or outright deletion.
One recent experience exemplifies this dynamic. When I politely questioned a spiritual influencer with a big following about her Substack, and then read IG post on it, her messaging of unity was off and contradicting, my comment, along with others that expressed thoughtful disagreement, were deleted. This response was a reminder of the pitfalls of influence and the tendency toward “spiritual bypassing,” and “emotional bypassing”, where positivity is prioritized over genuine connection and dialogue.
Reflecting on your feelings of inauthenticity and the challenges of using social media in a genuine way as a healer, teacher, or coach is a significant step towards aligning your values with your online presence. It’s important to address the internal conflicts and ethical dilemmas that may arise in this journey.
I understand that some of my readers are not involved in social selling or the wellness and spiritual space, I believe you can still relate this to your work.
The idea of building relationships, understanding client needs, and fostering trust are fundamental aspects that transcend specific niches and businesses.
In a corporate setting, establishing strong connections with colleagues, clients, and stakeholders is crucial for success. By adapting the principles of social selling, individuals can enhance their networking skills, improve communication, and ultimately drive better results in their professional endeavors.
Similarly, the importance of wellness and spiritual well-being is increasingly recognized in the workplace. Employers are realizing the benefits of promoting a healthy work-life balance and supporting their employees’ mental and emotional health. By incorporating practices that prioritize self-care and mindfulness, individuals can boost their productivity, creativity, and overall satisfaction in their jobs.
Even if you are not directly involved in social selling or the wellness and spiritual space, the underlying messages in my blog can still be relevant and valuable to your own career and personal development.
1. So how can we balance the “Healer” and “Influencer” Roles?
• Healing as a Personal Calling vs. Influence as a Public Performance: Many healers, coaches, teachers, etc. enter their path with a sincere desire to help others, usually as a result of personal transformation. Social media, however, often turns this personal mission into a public performance, where influence depends on metrics like engagement and follower count. For those of us striving to avoid self-promotion, this can feel uneasy. How can we encourage others to find healing without projecting ourselves as authorities or risking appearing egotistical? The real question for spiritual, coaches, and wellness influencers is how to remain genuinely humble in a space that rewards self-promotion and image.
• Service vs. Self-Promotion: For true healers, the mission is to serve, uplift, and support others without judgment. However, as influencers, they must also promote themselves and their personal brand, which does requires self-promotion. This can lead to a subtle yet big conflict for some of us. Is the influencer’s work still about unity and compassion if they respond to polite critique or questioning by silencing those voices? In my experience, having my thoughtful comment removed suggested that the influencer prioritized image over true engagement, creating a disconnect between their message and their actions.
2. The Struggle for Authenticity Without Ego
• The Performative Nature of Authenticity: Authenticity is cherished in the wellness and spiritual communities, but when it becomes performative, when influencers curate their vulnerable moments and emphasize “realness” only in ways that resonate with followers’ expectations, it can feel disingenuous. For those who want to engage meaningfully, seeing thoughtful comments silenced can make it hard to know if the influencer’s message is truly about growth or merely about self-validation. This performative authenticity becomes especially apparent when influencers selectively delete comments that question them, maintaining a polished image at the expense of open and honest dialogue.
• Resisting the Ego Trap: Spiritual guides sometimes talk about overcoming ego, yet the very structure of social media can subtly encourage them to seek validation through likes, comments, and shares. For followers who genuinely care about integrity, this dynamic is uncomfortable. When an influencer who claims to be focused on unity and compassion responds by deleting even polite, constructive feedback, it reveals an inner struggle with ego, the very thing they often advise others to transcend.
• Unity in Practice, Not Just Theory: The influencer’s post was focused on a call for unity amidst divisive times. Yet, within the same sentence of that message, she harshly criticized those saying the divisiveness she is seeing from specifically this one group (she said the group, I am not) and I quote her words, “(ahem) is WILD”. And then she went on to give more descriptions of people’s emotions and their behaviors. Which some were very wrong and it is never ok to be mean! My comment gently pointed out the contradiction in calling for unity while simultaneously alienating those with differing opinions. Unity, after all, means finding compassion and understanding for all, not just those who agree. I wanted to engage in a conversation about how unity can truly honor and include everyone’s experiences without judgment.
• Avoiding Spiritual Bypassing: The post’s language subtly suggested that those who felt anger, frustration, or disappointment were somehow “less evolved.” My comment questioned this framing, as it can often lead to “spiritual bypassing” the dismissal of real emotions in favor of surface-level positivity. I wanted to explore how she could validate people’s real feelings while also encouraging compassion and understanding. My hope was to prompt a discussion about how we can make space for all emotions, rather than categorizing them.
• Practicing What We Preach: As someone who values humility and genuine connection, I approached my comment with the intention of holding space for an open, respectful conversation. I felt that the influencer’s language, particularly the criticism of the group she singled out, might unintentionally contradict her own messages about kindness and connection. By pointing this out, I hoped to encourage self-reflection on how we, as people on social media, can ensure our actions truly align with our messages.
3. The Challenges of Spiritual Bypassing and Superiority
• The Call for Positivity Without Dismissing Real Experiences: Many spiritual influencers encourage followers to “rise above” or focus on the light, but this approach can sometimes slide into spiritual bypassing, avoiding or dismissing complex emotions in favor of positivity. In my comment, I wanted to acknowledge that emotions like frustration and disappointment are valid and real, especially in times of significant change. Deleting these kinds of comments can convey a lack of willingness to engage with those who may be in pain or struggling, creating a superficial unity that doesn’t make space for real dialogue.
• Avoiding a “Holier-than-Thou” Attitude: My hope in commenting was to open a conversation that would reflect humility and inclusivity, rather than positioning one side as “above” or “more evolved” or her words “mature” than the other. By deleting my comment, the influencer seemed to signal a hierarchy of thought where only those who aligned perfectly with her message were welcome. This creates an uncomfortable dynamic that may feel like a “holier-than-thou” approach, especially for followers seeking guidance that is rooted in empathy and openness.
4. Finding Balance Between Humility and Self-Expression
• A Constant Check on Intentions: For those of us who try to engage thoughtfully, there’s always an intention to approach with humility. My comment was meant to encourage dialogue, not critique or judge. Unfortunately, seeing it deleted felt like a missed opportunity for genuine connection. It raised questions about how influencers can remain open to constructive feedback without viewing it as a threat to their image or authority.
• Striving for Genuine Connection Over Self-Promotion: Ultimately, I commented because I am trying to be more authentic myself, I care about creating spaces where authenticity, humility, and connection come first.
At the heart of these experiences lies the complex balance between healing and influence. For spiritual influencers and people in the coaching and wellness space, the mission to serve must remain high among the demands of visibility and self-promotion. My hope in sharing this experience is to encourage a deeper conversation on how we can hold space for each other’s voices (even when we don’t agree on things), truly embodying the unity, compassion, and authenticity that are at the core of spiritual practice.
At the end of the day, I guess we are all human after all. We all still have a lot of work to do on ourselves, nobody is perfect and a great reminder this is exactly why we should never put celebrities, athletes, or influencers on pedestals.
Nikki Lanigan
Nikki Lanigan is a yoga, HIIT, and Barre instructor, she is also a Holistic Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Nikki is trained in Yoga Shred, Yoga Psychology, meditation, chakra balancing, and EFT/Tapping. She has done trainings with Sadie Nardini and Ashley Turner. She got her 200 hour yoga teacher training in 2017 at the Carrie Treister School Of Yoga. Nikki takes a holistic view of health, helping her students and clients reach a place of self-love not just through movement, but with mindset and lifestyle guidance as well. Nikki is also show prep writer for The McVay Media Show Prep and host of the podcast Fit, Fun, and Frazzled. Connect with Nikki on Instagram. www.instagram.com/nikkilanigan.yogaandwellness www.instagram.com/fitfunandfrazzledpodcast
