Have you ever listened to yourself mid-conversation and thought, “Wait… why do I sound like that?”
Because same.
Somehow, we all become vocal chameleons, shifting our tone, pitch, pace, and personality depending on who we’re talking to. Not in a fake way. In a “just trying to survive this interaction with minimal stress and maximum efficiency” way.
At this point, I’ve clocked at least six different voices I use regularly. And I don’t even mean metaphoric “finding your voice” stuff, I mean literal, audible voice shifts.
Let’s break them down.
- The Work Voice
Clean. Crisp. Polished. Slightly deeper than your normal tone with absolutely no room for sarcasm or personality.
This is the voice that says:
- “Hope this email finds you well!”
- “Let’s circle back to that deliverable.”
- “Per my last email…”
Your vocabulary becomes magically elevated. You say “absolutely!” instead of “sure” and “I’ll get that over to you shortly” instead of “I’m dying but I’ll try.”
You’re articulate, calm, and borderline robotic.
Until you log off… and immediately go back to your normal voice saying, “Why do I talk like that?”
- The Phone Voice (for Unknown Numbers)
You see a number you don’t recognize. Your heart rate spikes.
And when you answer, your voice morphs into this cautious, overly-friendly version of yourself.
“Hello??”
It’s sing-songy, polite, and terrified all at once. You’re ready to say “wrong number” or “please remove me from your call list” at a moment’s notice.
There’s also a special Customer Service Voice, where you’re wildly pleasant and weirdly assertive at the same time:
“Hi! I’m just following up on a return I made… like three weeks ago? I’ve called six times already? Not mad at you, just confused. Haha.”
You’re using verbal exclamation points like it’s your job, but inside you’re spiraling.
- The Mom Voice
The gold standard.
This voice is powerful, precise, and borderline terrifying, and no one trains you for it. One day it just shows up in your throat the minute someone spills yogurt on the dog.
It’s the voice that commands rooms:
- “We are not doing this right now.”
- “Get. In. The. Car.”
- “Put that down. I said, put. it. down.”
- “If I have to say it one more time…”
It also has a warm, comforting side:
- “You’re safe.”
- “You’ve got this.”
- “Take a deep breath.”
The Mom Voice is part therapist, part traffic cop, part drill sergeant, and it works.
- The Friend Voice
This is the real you. The loud, unfiltered, emotionally open version of your voice that gets progressively higher when you’re gossiping and drops an octave when you’re venting.
It’s the voice that says:
- “Omg hiiiii!”
- “You’re not gonna believe this.”
- “ I can’t. Like I literally CANNOT.”
This voice holds everything:
- Belly laughs
- F-bombs
- Dramatic reenactments
- Tearful confessions
It’s the voice that gets you through hard days and long voice memos. It’s also the only one that knows how to properly use “dude” as both a greeting and a warning.
- The Pet Voice
Unhinged. Unapologetic. High-pitched baby talk that bypasses your adult dignity.
“Who’s my buddy?!”
“Hi baby”
This voice contains no grammar, no shame, and no logic. It’s baby talk meets cartoon character, and it’s completely involuntary.
And yet, your dog only responds to this voice. If you say “Sit” in your normal tone, they stare blankly. But say it in the Pet Voice? They’re rolling over, solving algebra, and unlocking emotional vulnerability.
- The Kardashian/Paris Hilton Voice
(A modern phenomenon worthy of its own category)
You know the one.
It’s breathy. Drawn out. Slightly nasal. High pithed valley girl.
Every sentence ends in a trail-off. It’s part “I’m relaxed” and part “I’ve emotionally checked out.”
“I can’t… like, literally. Obsessed.”
“That’s hot.”
“It’s giving… I don’t even know.”
This voice isn’t just an aesthetic, it’s a social survival tactic.
Psychologists have linked it to code-switching for softness. It’s the voice many of us use to sound non-threatening, disinterested, effortlessly cool, or emotionally detached. It’s vocal armor wrapped in lip gloss.
I didn’t even realize I did this until, in true teenager fashion, my oldest daughter got mad at me and said,
“Ugh, you sound like a Kardashian.”
And I just stood there like, wait, was that an insult?
Was she mocking how I talk? Or was she just stating facts?
Because I definitely took it as an insult. I say “literally” and “like’ a lot, I think its the 90’s teenager, I notice a lot of my friends still talk this way too. Maybe it’s a Cleveland thing?When I went to college in speech class, I had two friends from high school in the class with me and the other students would count how many times we said like. My college is in Southern Ohio, yes different areas of Ohio talk completely different.
Apparently, I’ve been subconsciously channeling Kim K during high-stress parenting moments. Good to know.
Sometimes we do it ironically. Sometimes accidentally.
And sometimes, when we’re emotionally fried and still trying to sound “chill”, we lean on that slightly breathy tone that says,
“I’m not mad. I’m literally just over it.”
So, What Does It All Mean?
We’re not fake. We’re flexible.
Each voice we use is a tool, a way to navigate the situation in front of us.
We use different voices because we wear different hats:
- Worker
- Parent
- Partner
- Friend
- Human ball of stress trying to function
And sometimes, the voices help us protect our energy, soften our delivery, or express our truest selves (looking at you, Friend Voice).
So the next time you catch yourself talking to your dog like a baby, your boss like a robot, or your kid like a hostage negotiator, don’t judge it. Embrace it.
You’re multilingual in the most human way. Your voice shifts to match your moment.
And honestly? That’s kind of beautiful.
(But also… why do we all go up an octave when we say, “Hi, I’m just calling to ask a quick question…”? Like, what are we so afraid of? Why are we like this??)
Nikki Lanigan
Nikki Lanigan is a yoga, HIIT, and Barre instructor, she is also a Holistic Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Nikki is trained in Yoga Shred, Yoga Psychology, meditation, chakra balancing, and EFT/Tapping. She has done trainings with Sadie Nardini and Ashley Turner. She got her 200 hour yoga teacher training in 2017 at the Carrie Treister School Of Yoga. Nikki takes a holistic view of health, helping her students and clients reach a place of self-love not just through movement, but with mindset and lifestyle guidance as well. Nikki is also show prep writer for The McVay Media Show Prep and host of the podcast Fit, Fun, and Frazzled. Connect with Nikki on Instagram. www.instagram.com/nikkilanigan.yogaandwellness www.instagram.com/fitfunandfrazzledpodcast
