A love letter to every woman in midlife who feels everything 100 times more intensely
Everyday last week and over the weekend I woke up feeling off, heavy, irritated, mad, emotional, and sensitive. Like everything is loud, fast, and demanding, and my body is just sitting here like… no thank you. Underneath that heaviness was something more personal in a way, a kind of burnout from creating content online but also this feeling of imposter syndrome. That feeling of constantly pouring your heart out online, or on a podcast, or creating content on Instagram posts, that feeling of sharing your heart and getting silence back. Or thinking you had a great message or post and then just crickets. That feeling of building something meaningful and having people that you are close with treat it like it’s “just a little hobby,” your little side hustle, it stings sometimes, it really does.
Look I know social media is fickle, I really do, I have drilled into my kids heads that don’t focus on the likes and comments but sometimes on Instagram I feel like saying to my friends and family, come on throw me a bone and just hit the like button for me once in awhile.
And can we talk about midlife hormones for a second? It literally feels like someone hijacked my mood and emotions. Like every feeling is 100 times more intense than I’ve ever experienced. So if I’m crying, I’m CRYING, if I’m irritated, I’m ready to throw my phone into the lake. The smallest thing can feel personal too ( a la the above paragraph.)
The world feels heavier, my patience and tolerance can disappear in two seconds. Thanks, hormones
But there is also some kind of power that happens in midlife, it is like a NFG type of energy, when I used to not want to cause conflict, I now stand up for my beliefs, I have better boundaries of what I will tolerate, and I don’t stay quiet now in fear people won’t like me or I will lose followers on Instagram. So sometimes hormone shifts are a good and powerful thing.
So here’s what I’m practicing today and this week, in real time, as a woman doing her best in a sensitive body, a busy life, and a very very loud and cruel world.
- I let the anger speak safely
I don’t pretend I’m fine.
I will do a Rinse Journal:
How to rinse journal:
Hand write, not on phone or computer, physical body writing stimulates right side of the brain. Turns up some of the unconscious and subconscious emotions. You can do this with kids too, this helps unpack our emotions.
Choose an emotion. Sadness, anxiety, anger.
First prompt: Write. Dear (insert your emotions) When I look at you I feel?……
Second prompt: When I look at you I see….
3rd prompt: You act like…..
4th prompt: You remind me of…..
This gives our emotion texture and it becomes a character. Sometimes we think we need to quickly stuff our feelings and emotions down or meditate them away but we need to actually be with them, process them, and see what we really need, befriend our emotions.
Then I move the emotions.
A 10-minute walk in lounge wear counts, dance, run, sprints, maybe yoga or even stretching. A shake-out in the kitchen counts. Feelings are energy and energy needs motion.
- I trade perfection for proof
Proof that tiny things still shift my state. One minute of breathing, a glass of water, ten squats by the sink, one text to a friend or my mom, who actually gets me. These things are not to have a full glow-up, not a full reset. Just proof that I can support myself in small ways.
- I stop negotiating my worth with attention
If a post flops on Instagram, I don’t. If people don’t respond, it doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong. It just means I’m human, showing up in a loud world, and I’m not here to perform wellness, I’m here to live it.
- I choose one next step
Not ten things (even though my creative brain works that way,) not a full reinvention, just one next step. Today mine is this simple page from my gratitude journal.
Write 3 things you are grateful for:
then
Write 3 affirmations:
A tiny practice for us (right now and this week)
Name it: “I feel angry, I feel sad, I feel lost.”
Breathe: In 4, out 6, for one minute.
Choose one tiny action: water, a walk, run, or one message to someone safe.
That’s it!
If you’re reading this, you’re my people, not because you’re the loudest, or I think I found an amazing place and community here on Substack ( Which I did) but because you’re the ones who keep going, even when it’s messy.
Tell me in the comments:
What feeling is the loudest today, and what tiny action are you taking after this?
Have an amazing week!
Nikki Lanigan
Nikki Lanigan is a yoga, HIIT, and Barre instructor, she is also a Holistic Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Nikki is trained in Yoga Shred, Yoga Psychology, meditation, chakra balancing, and EFT/Tapping. She has done trainings with Sadie Nardini and Ashley Turner. She got her 200 hour yoga teacher training in 2017 at the Carrie Treister School Of Yoga. Nikki takes a holistic view of health, helping her students and clients reach a place of self-love not just through movement, but with mindset and lifestyle guidance as well. Nikki is also show prep writer for The McVay Media Show Prep and host of the podcast Fit, Fun, and Frazzled. Connect with Nikki on Instagram. www.instagram.com/nikkilanigan.yogaandwellness www.instagram.com/fitfunandfrazzledpodcast
