How we’ve lost the yoga principle of Ahimsa, non-harming, and slipped into a culture of judgment, criticism, and mean-spirited commentary, especially toward other women.
You see it in the comments, you notice it when a woman rises quickly… and then suddenly, everyone has something to say about her. They’re not thoughtful critique, they’re not nuanced conversation, they’re a dissection, quick sound bites taken out of context from a podcast and running full steam ahead. You might even start to feel it in the hesitation before you post and not want to get picked apart.
More times than not, it’s coming from other women. We’re watching it play out in real time with women like Alix Earle and Alex Cooper. Both successful in their own right, different brands, different voices, but the same pattern. Build her up, put her everywhere, celebrate her, then slowly start pulling her apart and take sides. Team Alix vs. Team Alex. We see it over and over people taking sides. People start attacking every single thing about what she liked online, what she wore, what they aren’t doing enough of. Yes, i see this. Taylor Swift and other females are now getting attacked for things they are not publicly doing.
Now there’s Emma Grede, a powerhouse in business, constantly being analyzed, she has a new book out and doing the podcast rounds, which has turned into clips pulled out of context, hot takes, soundbites turned into full narratives. I am listening to this book on audio right now and I will tell you, it is so good! The parts that are being dissected online and tearing her down have been taken out of context. As the saying goes, “You can’t judge a book by it’s cover.” You can’t take a soundbite that is supposed to be clickbait and run with it without even reading or listening to the book.
At some point, it stops being about accountability and starts becoming something else.
It becomes a culture of consumption and tearing women down.
Women aren’t just followed… they’re studied, judged, and eventually… rejected and torn down. Here’s the part that’s hard to ignore, we don’t do this to men the same way. Men can be polarizing, blunt, even controversial, and still be seen as leaders, visionaries, confident. We don’t pit one guy against another guy and say team this or team that the way we do with women or even the way we do with a man and a women. We pit men vs. women on teams too and take sides. Hello team Justin Baldoni vs. Blake Lively or Team Depp vs. Amber Heard. But nope, we don’t do it with two men.
Women do one interview, one clip gets taken out of context, and suddenly we’re questioning her character, the fact she has a nanny or help at home while she works, her intelligence, and her worth.
So what is this really? Calling it “cancel culture” feels too surface level. This is projection, comparison, internalized competition, unresolved insecurity playing out in public, and I think it’s layered. Women aren’t just afraid of failing anymore, we are afraid of being seen because being seen today doesn’t just mean visibility it means exposure, it means opinions, it means being picked apart by people who don’t know you, and sometimes by people who see parts of themselves in you. That’s where “the courage to be disliked” stops being a nice quote and starts becoming a requirement.
I really think this part matters more than we’re talking about because this isn’t just about celebrities or influencers. This is shaping how all of us show up and more importantly, it’s shaping what our kids are learning.
The Yoga Sutra We’re Living, Whether We Realize It or Not
There’s a yoga principle called Ahimsa, which means non-harming. Most people think of it as physical, don’t hurt others, don’t hurt yourself. However, in practice, Ahimsa goes deeper than that, it includes how we speak to ourselves and others, how we think, how we judge, and it includes the harm we participate in when we tear someone down who isn’t in the room to respond. Right now, we are living in a time where Ahimsa is being tested DAILY!! Every hot take you see online, the comment sections online are filled with mean spirited, rude, people.
The thing is, that it doesn’t always look like aggression, sometimes it looks like dismissal, or maybe like sarcasm, or someone frames it as “just an opinion.” Sometimes it looks like joining in because everyone else is, maybe its that you know it’s wrong and harmful but you don’t say anything.
What Our Kids Are Actually Learning
Our kids are not just hearing what we say, they’re watching how we respond, they’re watching how we talk about other women or how we talk about anyone for that matter, they’re watching how we react to success, how we handle someone being criticized publicly, if you judge someone, what you say about your own self. They’re learning is it safe to be seen? Is success celebrated or picked apart, do I have to shrink to avoid being judged? This is the part that shifts everything because the conversation is no longer just about women online, it’s about the next generation of girls deciding whether it feels safe to take up space!
A Simple Reset, In Real Time
I want to share a quick breathing technique, before reacting, before commenting, before replying to an email even or text or saying something about someone, even before deciding it’s safer to stay quiet, pause.
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4
Hold your breathe fora count of 4
Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 6
Do that three more times.
Or take one breath in…
and sigh it out like the sound of the ocean and make sure the exhale is longer that the inhale.
That exhale matters, it signals safety and when your body feels safe, you come back to choice.
If you’re building anything real, a voice, a brand, a business, a life that actually feels aligned…
You will be misunderstood.
You will evolve publicly.
You will say things that don’t land perfectly.
You will outgrow versions of yourself in front of people, and yes, some people will turn on you for it. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it usually means you’re visible. The women being dissected are also the ones who are moving, creating, and taking up space.
This makes people uncomfortable, but remember it’s not your job to be palatable, it’s your job to be clear. Clear in your values, clear in your voice, clear in how you show up, and it’s just as important, to be clear in how you treat others while you’re doing it, the real practice right now isn’t avoiding criticism. It’s not participating in unnecessary harm, it’s choosing a different way to engage, it’s modeling something better for your kids and yourself, and for the women watching quietly, wondering if it’s safe for them to show up too.
Nikki Lanigan
Nikki Lanigan is a yoga, HIIT, and Barre instructor, she is also a Holistic Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Nikki is trained in Yoga Shred, Yoga Psychology, meditation, chakra balancing, and EFT/Tapping. She has done trainings with Sadie Nardini and Ashley Turner. She got her 200 hour yoga teacher training in 2017 at the Carrie Treister School Of Yoga. Nikki takes a holistic view of health, helping her students and clients reach a place of self-love not just through movement, but with mindset and lifestyle guidance as well. Nikki is also show prep writer for The McVay Media Show Prep and host of the podcast Fit, Fun, and Frazzled. Connect with Nikki on Instagram. www.instagram.com/nikkilanigan.yogaandwellness www.instagram.com/fitfunandfrazzledpodcast
