I married young. In the beginning, we had very little money. I cannot emphasize how little money we truly had, but we always made an effort to buy Christmas presents for our family—everyone in the family. It was a lot, but we enjoyed the challenge.
As we look back on it from a place of much greater financial security, we get a pretty big kick out of our youth, creativity, poor judgment and the shit we bought that used to be money.
There are two instances we always circle back around to in this discussion. The first one is the infamous Nut House. This was, honest to God, the cheesiest and worst Christmas gift known to man.
It was a large ceramic canister shaped like an acorn and was being held by a jaunty squirrel. The top of the canister was emblazoned with the words “Nut House.” The acorn was filled with a variety of nuts, and of course, it also doubled as a classy collectible container. Brett’s aunt and uncle were the lucky recipients of this bad boy.
I’m sad to report during a visit the next year, the Nut House was not on display anywhere in their home. We were disappointed. However, a few years ago, I did an extensive search online to find said Nut House. After much effort, I procured one on eBay and presented it to Brett on our anniversary. Oh, how we laughed. It now holds a place of honor on my husband’s dresser.
Our other big gift misfire was with my Aunt Patti. Brett and I were attending the annual Kentucky Book Fair. We still had to work on a pretty tight budget, so we thought books would be a great idea. Imagine my delight when I came across an author from the town where my mom and aunt grew up. He had written a collection of stories about the town. My aunt loved to read. This was the perfect gift! She was going to love it. I even got it signed to her by the author. Of all the gifts I bought that year, this was the one I was most excited about. I was convinced I nailed it.
Fast forward to Christmas with my family. We all took our turns opening gifts. Finally, we got to Aunt Patti. As she opened our gift a big smile spread across her face. I may have done a fist pump. She then examined the cover closely and said very matter-of-factly, “Ah yes, this is the man who ran over me when I was three.”
My husband was mortified and just put his head in his hands. The rest of us burst out laughing—including Aunt Patti. I’m sure someone peed their pants. That always happens. This is one of the many times my husband has questioned the sanity of the family he married into.
Aunt Patti getting run over by the mailman in her youth is a legendary family tale. We all know the story and have heard it countless times throughout our lives.
One of the main highlights of the story is my Granny riding in the back of the ambulance with Patti, holding her nose on her face. Seriously, it was only hanging on by a small piece of flesh. She also had a skull fracture. It was some serious shit, but she pulled through. Aunt Patti is a hardcore.
Another fun fact of this story is the mother of the guy who ran Patti over lived a few houses down and slipped Granny a 20 as the ambulance was pulling away. No one knows exactly why. Later, my grandparents received a note in the mail requesting repayment of the $20. The nerve! Patti said they repaid the money, but I shudder to think about the level of profanity that flew through the house upon reading that letter. They are lucky my Granny did not march down the street and kick their asses. You did not fuck with Dot Thomas.
Despite her history with the author, Aunt Patti was excited to read the book. Here is my regret: I wish I had paid closer attention to the author’s reaction when I told him who my aunt was. Surely, he remembered the name of a kid he ran over. I hope he was uncomfortable.
My husband and I have worked hard. We are far from rich, but we can now afford a little more during the holidays. That’s nice, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the good ole days when we were tickled to death with something as ridiculous as the Nut House.
Angela Traver
What is this blog about? Well, it's a general blog, but it is also a very specific blog. If you get that reference, you get a gold star! I have been a public relations professional and writer of press releases for more than 20 years—primarily in the booze biz. I decided to do some writing for fun and embrace the humor that gets me through most days. Hopefully it will make you chuckle—or at least smile. I’m a certified crazy magnet, and more than a little nutty myself, so buckle up. Also, I have two vices—profanity and red wine/whiskey. You’ve been warned. It should also be noted, that I’m a HUGE Bob & Sheri fan. I’ve been a listener for more than 20 years. This opportunity is a dream come true and it may have made me cry. That being said, I cry at everything. If you are into booze, dogs, food and/or knitting, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (although I’m terrible at Twitter and it scares me) @kyspiritsgal. You can also find all my previous blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com.
