Homecoming season always stirs up conversation, the football games, the dances, the dresses. Recently, I came across a Scary Mommy post joking about the length and size of homecoming dresses. Some people laughed, the comments quickly became a battlefield. Some parents admitted they didn’t even know what “HOCO” was (because, truthfully, it’s not celebrated everywhere, which I didn’t know.) Others criticized the dresses, many defended the teens. Some even said for parents to do their job and tell them what is appropriate and not. A few even made harmful comments about how certain outfits might “give males the wrong idea.” or “They’re asking for bad things to happen to them.” WHAT!?!? Full Stop there!
The thread got me thinking about how much weight we put on something that should be fun, celebratory, and memorable.
A Little History of Homecoming
Homecoming dates back to the early 1900s in the Midwest. Universities wanted to welcome alumni back for a football game, complete with parades, pep rallies, and dances. Over time, it spread to high schools, especially in the Midwest and South, becoming an American fall tradition.
Not every part of the country celebrates homecoming in the same way, which is why some parents outside those regions are surprised by the spectacle of dresses, corsages, before dance prep, the dance, the after party dance, and the next day brunch. ( Okay maybe its an Ohio thing but homecoming might be more extravagant than prom!) For some, it’s just another football game. For others, it’s a rite of passage.
The Evolution of Fashion at Homecoming
If you look at old homecoming photos, every decade tells a story. The tea length dresses of the 1950s. The big hair and puff sleeves of the 80s. The glitter and spaghetti straps of the 2000s. And now, shorter, sleeker dresses that reflect current trends.
Each generation has its own version of “too much” or “not enough.” Parents of the 70s thought miniskirts were scandalous. Parents of the 90s rolled their eyes at belly-baring tops and low rise jeans. Now, many are clutching their pearls over today’s homecoming styles.
Fashion always evolves and changes, and teens have always been judged by adults for what they wear. The difference now is the stage. Decades ago, a comment might have been talked about at a football game or mentioned while flipping through a yearbook. Today, parents and adults share those same judgments online, in Facebook groups, comment sections, or viral posts, where not only their own community sees it, but potentially thousands of strangers and teens as well.
This shift matters. What once might have been an offhand remark between neighbors now becomes a permanent, public critique that teens themselves come across. Instead of gossip fading into the background, screenshots and posts live on, amplifying the shame and making it harder for teens to separate their self worth from a one night in time.
The comments on that Scary Mommy post highlighted the same tired cycle:
- Some parents shamed girls for “revealing” dresses.
- Some defended them, pointing out that teens deserve joy and expression.
- Some went as far as suggesting that what a teen wears could “cause” boys to act a certain way, which is a dangerous, outdated narrative.
Teen girls already face enormous pressure. From social media comparisons to the constant undercurrent of “not enough” or “too much,” they’re hard enough on themselves without adults chiming in about their bodies and choices of their clothing.
When we criticize, post, or shame publicly, we’re not just talking about a dress, we’re sending the message that their worth is tied to what they wear, and worse, that their bodies exist to be policed or sexualized.
If you don’t want your child to wear a certain dress, that’s your call as a parent. If you’re okay with it, that’s your call too. But what doesn’t help is being the parent who posts a snarky meme or a cruel comment online about someone else’s teenager.
What if, instead of critiquing, we encouraged? Instead of judging, we remembered what it felt like to be 15 or 16, nervous, excited, desperate to fit in, and trying on outfits in the mirror. What if we let our daughters feel beautiful without reminding them of the world’s expectations?
Homecoming is meant to be a celebration. The game, the parade, the dance, these are the memories that stick, not the hemline of a dress.
Our daughters need us to model acceptance, not criticism, and if you choose or have a rule that you think it is inappropriate that is your right, parent your child how you see fit, but you don’t get to police other people’s kids on their dress choices. They need to know that their bodies are not for public judgment, and certainly not to be blamed for someone else’s behavior.
At the end of the day, do what works for your own family. Your boundaries, your rules, your values, they may not be the same as your neighbor’s, and that’s okay. What works for you might not be right for everyone, and what works for them might not be right for you. That’s the point of parenting, deciding what feels right in your own home.
But let’s stop dragging other people’s daughters into the spotlight of public judgment. Let’s stop turning homecoming into a culture war. And let’s remember that our kids are watching how we react, not just to them, but to others.
Homecoming should be about joy, spirit, and celebration. Let the teens have their night. Let them laugh, dance, and have fun. That’s the real tradition worth passing down.
Nikki Lanigan
Nikki Lanigan is a yoga, HIIT, and Barre instructor, she is also a Holistic Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Nikki is trained in Yoga Shred, Yoga Psychology, meditation, chakra balancing, and EFT/Tapping. She has done trainings with Sadie Nardini and Ashley Turner. She got her 200 hour yoga teacher training in 2017 at the Carrie Treister School Of Yoga. Nikki takes a holistic view of health, helping her students and clients reach a place of self-love not just through movement, but with mindset and lifestyle guidance as well. Nikki is also show prep writer for The McVay Media Show Prep and host of the podcast Fit, Fun, and Frazzled. Connect with Nikki on Instagram. www.instagram.com/nikkilanigan.yogaandwellness www.instagram.com/fitfunandfrazzledpodcast
