Let me start by apologizing to all my yoga teaching and loving friends. I’m so jealous. I want to love yoga with all my heart. Over the course of 20-plus years, I have tried numerous live classes, DVDs and internet yoga programs. When I’m done, I just always feel like “eh, what’s the big deal. I really wish I would have spent that time working out.”
Yes, I know yoga is a workout. It just doesn’t feel like a workout to me. The reason is twofold and it is all on me, not any of the live or video instructors with whom I’ve taken classes. They all have been really good. I am the problem. Not yoga.
Reason number one: I’m a weirdo and have fairly severe anxiety. Now, I know you are saying, “yoga is great for anxiety!” Yeah, I know. That is why I continue to try it, but the whole time my mind is racing, and I’m thinking about things I should be doing instead or worrying if I left on the stove. I’m never in the moment and doing that “minding my breath” thing. My mind does not work that way. I cannot shut it down and moving that slow often makes me more anxious. I may be the only human more stressed-out when she leaves a yoga class than before she started.
Reason number two: I’m 5’1” and all legs. Petite pants are too short on me. Petite pants are supposed to fit people 5’4” and under. How is this possible, you ask? I have no damn torso. My Granny liked to call it “short-waisted.” My rib cage basically sits on my hip bones. It makes buying cloths difficult and doing many yoga poses properly, pretty much impossible. How the fuck am I supposed to be in downward dog and walk my legs up between my hands with my short arms, lack of trunk and long legs? It is impossible and I look like a tool trying to do it. Don’t even get me started on my difficulties with sun salutations. Babies learning to walk are far more graceful than me doing that shit.
It’s frustrating and there is no fixing it. Hence me swearing off of the practice—or so I thought.
Enter in me, deciding I’m going to start running again. Running is an activity I enjoy and actually helps with my anxiety. At least that was the case until my first run outdoors. I got out of bed the next morning and immediately fell to the floor with some of the most intense pain I have ever felt.
After consulting Dr. Google, I diagnosed myself with plantars fasciitis. Dammit! I made an appointment with a podiatrist. Then proceed to hobble around and cuss for a week. It was awful.
In the meantime, I developed a major tension headache and decided I needed to go get dry needled. For those of you unfamiliar with dry needling, it is similar to acupuncture and brilliant. It occurred to me on the way to my guy that he may be able to help with this plantars fasciitis crap. When I asked him about it, he said, “Oh, yeah. I got that.” He worked on my neck and shoulders and told me to come back in two days for my calf/foot—all that shit is connected to the plantars fasciitis.
There are no words for the insanity that were the knots and tension in my calf. He hit a couple of spots with those needles that damn near sent me through the roof. However, it was a John Cougar situation—it Hurt So Good. Side note: the doc was way too young to get that joke. I did try.
When he was done, I could walk without limping and my foot was about 85 percent back to normal. If any of you all deal with pain, for reals, give dry needling a try. It is Harry Potter-level magic—as long as needles don’t freak you out.
I went to the podiatrist the next day. She basically told me not to be an ass (those may have actually been her exact words). I’m too old to take off running two miles out of the gate and guess what? I need to fucking do more deep stretching. Yoga would be good. Fuck me.
So here I am again staring down my nemesis, yoga. I want to run again. Running is good for me both physically and mentally. I guess that means, I’ll be doing some damn yoga. You win this round yoga. Well played.
Angela Traver
What is this blog about? Well, it's a general blog, but it is also a very specific blog. If you get that reference, you get a gold star! I have been a public relations professional and writer of press releases for more than 20 years—primarily in the booze biz. I decided to do some writing for fun and embrace the humor that gets me through most days. Hopefully it will make you chuckle—or at least smile. I’m a certified crazy magnet, and more than a little nutty myself, so buckle up. Also, I have two vices—profanity and red wine/whiskey. You’ve been warned. It should also be noted, that I’m a HUGE Bob & Sheri fan. I’ve been a listener for more than 20 years. This opportunity is a dream come true and it may have made me cry. That being said, I cry at everything. If you are into booze, dogs, food and/or knitting, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (although I’m terrible at Twitter and it scares me) @kyspiritsgal. You can also find all my previous blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com.
