I will be the first one to admit, I can be a little judgy. I really do try to keep it in check, but I’m not always successful. It’s not that I think I’m better than anyone. I just have very strong opinions on right and wrong. I recently discovered something that I believe falls into the “just wrong” category: salvage foods.
To clarify for those of you not familiar with salvage foods, the definition is: Noun. Salvage grocery. A store selling food passed its coded sell-by date, has damaged packaging, or is otherwise unfit for the general retail market.
As I have admitted several times, I’m a bougie eater. I love food with my whole heart. My tastes can lean a little toward the fancy pants, at least by many folk’s standards. I’m okay with this. Thank God for the internet.
A while back I found myself in Amish country with a friend doing a little shopping. There is a great produce place and dried goods store in this community. It’s also a pretty drive from where we live.
After we hit both of these stores my friend slid into a third store which I was not familiar with. There was a large handed painted sign out front that read, “Salvage Foods.” I was both amused and slightly appalled. “What the fuck is this?” I asked. My friend told me it was the Salvage Food store (obviously). She needed to pick up a case of sauerkraut for one of our other friend’s dogs. My head almost exploded with questions, concerns and disbelief.
First of all, who intentionally feeds their dog sauerkraut? My dog’s asses are dicey with expensive kibble. I don’t even want to imagine what they would smell like on expired sauerkraut. Yikes. According to my friend, it has a ton of probiotics and is good for a dog’s digestion. Perhaps, but dear god, the smell. I just can’t.
I opted to stay in the car and not shop for my own salvage foods. I just couldn’t imagine wanting anything that had fallen off the back of a truck and been brought to Amish country by Tony Soprano.
My friend retuned, threw the case of kraut in the back and we set off. I started grilling her on the contents of the store immediately. Turns out they have a little bit of everything from chocolate chips and peanut butter to cereal and meat. Yes, meat! At this point I kind of regretted not going in. I wouldn’t have bought anything. This whole concept is way too suspect for me, but it could have been entertaining.
Later, I told another friend about the store. He did some quick online research and informed me there are actually salvage food brokers. This brings us back to Tony Soprano. There really is just a whole world out there I know nothing about. It’s fascinating. People make their living doing the damnedest things. How does one get to be a salvage food broker? In second grade, when all their friends wanted to be a cowboy or an astronaut, did Jimmy say, “Not me! I want to broker salvage foods!”
I have been back by the Salvage Foods store a few times, but still have not worked up the nerve to go in. The whole place and concept just seem shady AF. Maybe I’m missing out, but I’m going to stick with Kroger for my dietary needs, and of course, the internet. Where the hell else am I going to get Umbrian lentils?
Angela Traver
What is this blog about? Well, it's a general blog, but it is also a very specific blog. If you get that reference, you get a gold star! I have been a public relations professional and writer of press releases for more than 20 years—primarily in the booze biz. I decided to do some writing for fun and embrace the humor that gets me through most days. Hopefully it will make you chuckle—or at least smile. I’m a certified crazy magnet, and more than a little nutty myself, so buckle up. Also, I have two vices—profanity and red wine/whiskey. You’ve been warned. It should also be noted, that I’m a HUGE Bob & Sheri fan. I’ve been a listener for more than 20 years. This opportunity is a dream come true and it may have made me cry. That being said, I cry at everything. If you are into booze, dogs, food and/or knitting, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (although I’m terrible at Twitter and it scares me) @kyspiritsgal. You can also find all my previous blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com.
