I’ve been married for nearly 30 years and I love my husband very much. If we’re being honest, there are probably very few (if any) other people on this earth who could put up with my nonsense. I’m difficult. I know that.
Despite my love for my husband and my self-acknowledged level of high maintenance, I keep a second husband list—just in case. My husband is well aware of this list. He has even offered up some suggestions from time to time.
My second husband list is very different from my hall pass list. The hall pass list is just comprised of some tall, hot, famous dudes, that should I bump into them, say in the Kroger, I can take to my car and have my way with. I’m still anxiously awaiting Chris Hemsworth’s appearance at my local marketplace. I will be ready!
Back to my second husband list. This list is far more practical. Not to say these men are not lookers, but they all have one other major thing in common: they are handy AF. Yep. I want a man who is going to fix some shit and get some projects done. As much as I love my husband, this is not his strong suit. He does have some home improvement skills, but he is not terribly motivated to use them. It took more than six months to get a spice rack put up in my kitchen. He eventually did it. It looks great, but getting there was painful.
It took me a while to realize this common thread on my list. Then one day someone did something for me at work and I added them to my list and thought, “Huh, all these folks are fucking handy. I like that.”
I’ve tried to let my daughter know the importance of finding a handy partner if you are not particularly handy yourself. I’m not. I have no skills. None. Josie is much handier than me. She might end up being the handy partner. I salute that.
Currently, the dad of one of my best friends is top of my second husband list. He can build anything, he loves kids and animals, and he is a master gardener. This man is a catch! He also loves to read and is one of the kindest people on the planet. This is quality second-husband material. I do fear my friend will cut me if I make a move on her dad, however.
There are a few other folks I’ve thought about adding to my list. I’m not certain if they are handy, but I sure do think it would be nice to have a chiropractor around. I can also see the value in a person who is good at math. I have not balanced my checkbook since 2007. Who has the time or brain capacity for that? Perhaps my second husband!
Some of the men on my second husband list are aware of this. I think they are both amused and frightened. Again, I’m a pill. It’s not like I have backups lining up around the block. Most of these men are probably pulling very hard for my current husband to live a long life and not piss me off too badly.
So, as I approach nearly three decades of wedded bliss, I continue to compile my list of alternatives. One can never be too prepared and that new lamp isn’t going to put itself together.
Angela Traver
What is this blog about? Well, it's a general blog, but it is also a very specific blog. If you get that reference, you get a gold star! I have been a public relations professional and writer of press releases for more than 20 years—primarily in the booze biz. I decided to do some writing for fun and embrace the humor that gets me through most days. Hopefully it will make you chuckle—or at least smile. I’m a certified crazy magnet, and more than a little nutty myself, so buckle up. Also, I have two vices—profanity and red wine/whiskey. You’ve been warned. It should also be noted, that I’m a HUGE Bob & Sheri fan. I’ve been a listener for more than 20 years. This opportunity is a dream come true and it may have made me cry. That being said, I cry at everything. If you are into booze, dogs, food and/or knitting, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (although I’m terrible at Twitter and it scares me) @kyspiritsgal. You can also find all my previous blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com.
