I’m a terrible sleeper. While I like to blame the pandemic and menopause, the truth is, I have always had trouble sleeping.
As far back as my childhood, I can recall lying in bed for hours longing to just fall the fuck asleep. As if insomnia isn’t bad enough, I’m also a very light sleeper. The slightest noise will wake me and it is a crapshoot on whether or not I’ll be able to get back to sleep. Did I mention I have a husband who snores, two dogs in bed with us and one on the floor who consistently farts throughout the night? Yes. I often end up in the guest bedroom. However, if I’m being totally honest, I don’t sleep much better in there.
When I talk to others with sleeping difficulties, the first thing they always ask is, “Do you get up or stay in bed?” Rarely do I get up. I have tried and it usually makes me feel worse. My bestie, who also has issues sleeping, put it perfectly, “Well, I’m sure as hell not going to get back to sleep if I’m cleaning out my refrigerator.” Truth.
I do all the stuff you are supposed to do. I have a bedtime routine, I generally avoid screens before bed, I read, I drink calming tea, I take melatonin. The usual suspects. Alas, I still struggle.
Recently, I added a new component to my routine. Sleep Stories. I have a couple of apps for this, but I usually turn to the Calm app. This is my go-to for one reason. The voice of Erik Braa. To say this man has a dreamy voice is an understatement, as well as a bad pun.
He first lured me in with his train Sleep Stories. Am I a railroad enthusiast? Not particularly, but I have enjoyed soothing train rides all over the world with Erik. Sometimes I actually go to sleep before the end of the story!
Sleep Stories that involve travel are my favorite. If Erik is reading it, all the better. However, there are other great narrators and the wonderful Nick Offerman even tells a charming version of The Three Little Pigs.
It is very exciting when they release a new Sleep Story featuring Erik. This happened just the other night. I slid into bed and opened the Calm app and happily discovered Erik was back. I was less happy to discover he was reading three works from Edgar Allen Poe.
I have not read Poe in a long time. I certainly don’t mean to be all judgey, but that seems like some pretty dark shit right before bedtime. However, my love for Erik’s voice forced me to soldier on and hit play. He announced he would be reading The Raven, Annabel Lee and The Tell-Tale Heart. I have read all these, but again, it has been a while. I made a slight face of despair at what was to come, but settled in to listen.
Erik’s voice was perfect for these writings. He did a fantastic job. Unfortunately, this was one of those nights where I was pretty sure it was going to take some effort to sleep, so I listened carefully to the stories. I did not drift off. I grew more tense with each story. While Erik’s voice was amazing, who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to use Poe as a bedtime story? A lunatic, that’s who!
By the end of the Tell-Tale Heart I was anxious AF. I actually did get out of bed and tried to knit. I then turned on a Buddhist podcast to calm my shit. I eventually settled down and went back to bed. It was a night of very little and fretful sleep. Geez, Louise.
It is safe to say that this bitch will be sticking to a ride on the Orient Express and staying the hell away from Gothic Dreams, as Calm has dubbed it. I know I only have myself to blame. I knew what happened in all the stories and listened anyway. I allowed a man with a super-sexy voice to lure me in. Oh, well. It’s not the first time and it probably won’t be the last.
You can follow me on social @kyspiritsgal and check out my pervious blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com. Cheers!
Angela Traver
What is this blog about? Well, it's a general blog, but it is also a very specific blog. If you get that reference, you get a gold star! I have been a public relations professional and writer of press releases for more than 20 years—primarily in the booze biz. I decided to do some writing for fun and embrace the humor that gets me through most days. Hopefully it will make you chuckle—or at least smile. I’m a certified crazy magnet, and more than a little nutty myself, so buckle up. Also, I have two vices—profanity and red wine/whiskey. You’ve been warned. It should also be noted, that I’m a HUGE Bob & Sheri fan. I’ve been a listener for more than 20 years. This opportunity is a dream come true and it may have made me cry. That being said, I cry at everything. If you are into booze, dogs, food and/or knitting, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (although I’m terrible at Twitter and it scares me) @kyspiritsgal. You can also find all my previous blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com.
