I recently sent my husband a text that said, “Random thought: I really wish I liked camping.” He replied in agreement. I see pics of people in the woods and it looks so peaceful and lovely. I think, that must be so nice. Then I remember the one time we tried it. I had to pee in the middle of the night and was attacked by a scourge of mosquitos. Fuck that.
It is fascinating to me the people who legit camp. I’m not talking about sleeping in an RV with air conditioning and a TV. I’m talking about laying on the ground in a tent with no running water in the middle of freaking nowhere. I so want to be hardy enough to do that. Alas, I’m soft.
I just finished a Sleep Story about a woman who was a thru-hiker on the Pacific Crest Trail. She hiked 2650 miles from the Mexico to Canada. For the record, this story did not put me to sleep because I found it so interesting. She hiked mostly by herself for six months and slept in a tent held up by her trekking poles. I love the idea of this! It must be so liberating. Also, scary AF.
I keep trying to think about training for such an adventure. I think I could get in good enough physical shape (although, maybe not). I just can’t imagine wearing the same pair of underwear for weeks or always being hungry. That sounds miserable.
Wildlife is also a major concern. No one loves animals more than this chick, but I’m going to take a hard pass on snakes and bears. Given my anxiety, could I even relax enough on a thru-hike to enjoy the scenery? I fear I would be too worried about the impending danger to enjoy each amazing vista.
I’ve never been a happy camper. I used to go to 4-H camp for a few days every summer when I was a kid. We were in beds in a cabin, but the distance to the bathroom was a good 100 yards. I pee a lot. I didn’t get any sleep. I could not wait to get home.
The last year I did 4-H camp, I was a counselor, and my younger sister was one of the campers in my cabin. The second day she fell out of the top bunk and broke her arm. I left camp with her never to return. That broke me. I never really enjoyed it anyway.
My husband and I have grand dreams of getting an Airstream in retirement and hitting the road with our dogs. This brings us back to my anxiety. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for the fear and danger that come along with pulling a camper. My cousin’s wife confirmed it was stressful AF. She is always scared to death when they are pulling their camper.
It just looks so freeing! I want to see all the things and what better way to do it than by camping! I envy minimalists. I wish I had that gene. Just a tent, backpack and the trail. It must be so peaceful if your mind works that way. Mine does not.
We still have several years before retirement. We often discuss the idea of hitting the road. I like to think that when the time comes, I’ll be up for it, but I’m not so sure. However, I do know, there is a far greater chance you will get my bougie ass in an Airstream versus a tent.
Hats off to all the primitive campers out there. I think y’all got it right and I admire the fuck out of you. Happy trails, my friends!
Angela Traver
What is this blog about? Well, it's a general blog, but it is also a very specific blog. If you get that reference, you get a gold star! I have been a public relations professional and writer of press releases for more than 20 years—primarily in the booze biz. I decided to do some writing for fun and embrace the humor that gets me through most days. Hopefully it will make you chuckle—or at least smile. I’m a certified crazy magnet, and more than a little nutty myself, so buckle up. Also, I have two vices—profanity and red wine/whiskey. You’ve been warned. It should also be noted, that I’m a HUGE Bob & Sheri fan. I’ve been a listener for more than 20 years. This opportunity is a dream come true and it may have made me cry. That being said, I cry at everything. If you are into booze, dogs, food and/or knitting, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (although I’m terrible at Twitter and it scares me) @kyspiritsgal. You can also find all my previous blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com.
