I am an anxious person. I fight anxiety every damn day. On days when I don’t have to leave my house, it may be less, but not always. On days when I have things planned it can be crippling. I persevere. It’s all I can do.
I don’t want to not do things because of my anxiety, but sometimes that is really hard. Take, for example, last weekend. We had tickets to a Wanda Sykes comedy show and were going to have dinner with our daughter afterward. I was stoked, but anxious. My anxiety had been through the roof all week, but I was so looking forward to our Saturday plans. I wanted to be present. I wanted to enjoy myself. I knew I was going to have to work at it. For a person with anxiety, fun does not always come easily. I was determined to play through the pain.
I woke up extremely anxious on Saturday. Fuck. This was going to be a battle. I had a stern talk to myself saying I was going to do this, and by God, I was going to have some fucking fun. It was a comedy show for fuck’s sake. Should that not be the definition of fun?
I did have to medicate. That’s okay. Xanax was made for a reason. Overall, I proceeded through the evening with grace. No one would have known the angst going on internally. That is how anxiety works. You mask that shit and slap on a smile. My husband even commented on how well I did. I rolled my eyes to myself. If he only knew.
I enjoyed Wanda’s show thoroughly. She was hilarious. It was also nice to be in a room with so many like-minded people. That can be a rarity for me in Kentucky. I laughed my ass off, and in that, I temporarily forgot about my anxiety. That is always a treat.
After the show, we picked our daughter up at her dorm and she went to dinner with us. She was tired but delightful. She told us funny stories about her and her friends. She helped me let my guard down and just enjoy the company. Still, there was always an undercurrent of anxiety. That is who I am. That is my lot in life. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the good times; it just means that I have to try a little harder to be in the moment. I would never trade the experience for the added effort.
When I got home from the evening’s events, I was absolutely exhausted. That is the other thing about anxiety, it will wear you the fuck out. I got ready for bed and collapsed. I guess the perk of an evening of anxiety was a decent night’s sleep.
When I awoke the next day, I was pleased with my accomplishment from the night before. I held it together and also allowed myself to have some fun. Those two things are no small feats for an anxious person.
I would not trade the night for anything. My husband, my daughter, and humor—three of my favorite things. We all have obstacles in life. Fight through those because there is good stuff to be had on the other side. Trust me on that one.
Angela Traver
What is this blog about? Well, it's a general blog, but it is also a very specific blog. If you get that reference, you get a gold star! I have been a public relations professional and writer of press releases for more than 20 years—primarily in the booze biz. I decided to do some writing for fun and embrace the humor that gets me through most days. Hopefully it will make you chuckle—or at least smile. I’m a certified crazy magnet, and more than a little nutty myself, so buckle up. Also, I have two vices—profanity and red wine/whiskey. You’ve been warned. It should also be noted, that I’m a HUGE Bob & Sheri fan. I’ve been a listener for more than 20 years. This opportunity is a dream come true and it may have made me cry. That being said, I cry at everything. If you are into booze, dogs, food and/or knitting, hit me up on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter (although I’m terrible at Twitter and it scares me) @kyspiritsgal. You can also find all my previous blog posts at www.kyspiritsgal.com.
