The following is written by a guest blogger. The opinions expressed here are those of the writer and do not reflect the opinions of Bob Lacey, Sheri Lynch or the Bob & Sheri show.
Smash Rehash
She wants to talk. You want to avoid. “I’m so tired of rehashing the same old conversations,” you say. I get it. Everyone, male and female have felt this way at some time or another. But why do you think the same issue keeps coming up for discussion for the umpteenth time? Most likely it is because your partner never feels satisfied that you are truly engaged, present and listening. Based on your body language, she is not convinced you are actually hearing and valuing what she is telling you. This is one of those vicious cycles which if not addressed and stopped dead in its tracks; can be a relationship killer. Secret? Engage
Stop, Look and Listen
On occasion, you may need to put your phone down for a minute or pause and mute your favorite T.V. show. I guarantee if the new boss (you so desperately want to impress) walked into your office, you wouldn’t hesitate to give your undivided attention. This is your life partner who shares your bed.
Show that you value them enough to stop what you are doing for a moment and give them the same respect. Look at your beloved in the eyes so they know you care and finally listen with an open heart to truly understand not simply to reply. Secret? Listen
Revive Respect
On the opposite side of the above scenario, if your partner works out of the house or is required to take important calls all hours of the day, you need to be keenly aware of when it is appropriate to demand their attention. Constantly interrupting without any regards to his or her situation only breeds frustration and anger and when it comes time for him to listen to what is urgent and on your mind – your partner may not feel so inclined to reciprocate. Perhaps having an internal rating system of importance on a scale from 1 to 5 could be helpful: 1) being this can definitely wait to 5) being an emergency and you must get their attention now, etc. Mutual respect of one another’s time and space is key to resistance-free, open, honest interaction. Secret? Respect
Press Rewind
Remember when your significant other was this intriguing, interesting, human being you couldn’t wait to get to know because you could barely catch your breath in their presence? What if you woke up every day with that “clean slate” fresh perspective? How would that renewed point of view change your daily interactions? What if instead of greeting each other with a laundry list of tasks that must be done before you offer your affection and intimacy– you opened the door, looked at your partner (as if for the first time) and really connected on a human level with fresh eyes. Secret? Freshness
Shift Your Focus
In the beginning, most likely you were so intoxicated by how this person made you feel, you were blind to their annoying little habits. But as we all know, familiarity often breeds contempt. Why is this? I believe it is because we “forget to remember” why we fell in love and we begin to focus on all the wrong things, the stupid little things. We lose our perspective of the person, the whole independent person who has an individual set of principles and ideals outside of our own. The more we focus on the nitpicky things, the less respect we have for who they are. When that occurs, we weaken our ability to see all their positive attributes and instead we allow the 10% which annoys the hell out of us to become 100% of how we view them. Secret? Perspective
No games. Forget jumping through hoops and walking on eggshells. That isn’t love; it is the language of control. Instead insist on honest, open communication: the basic recipe for a healthy relationship. Cohabitating can feel quite complicated for a variety of reasons. But the solution to navigating one another’s unique views, idiosyncrasies, quirks, values and priorities; in practicality, is rather simple. As in all human interactions, the successful payoff is equal to the amount of energy and effort you are willing to invest. So what is my forty-year love relationship secret? All of the above
The Zen Den
Hello and welcome to The Zen Den. My name is Alison and while I am passionate about many things, my most inspiring driving force is human connection. Blogger, content writer, orthopedic exercise specialist, motivational speaker, international yoga pro, published songwriter, avid poker player, mom and wife are just a few of my titles. But when I do my job at NASA, I am known simply as “The Fairy Zenmother” a role I deeply love because people invite me into their space to help them find their center, relax and stretch their muscles and destress their mind. Here in the blogosphere version of The Zen Den, I invite you into my world where I will explore ideas for creating a better tomorrow and a kinder today. And hopefully, with insight, authenticity and humor; my words, observations and experiences will help you feel calm, centered, intellectually challenged and spiritually enlightened. Alternatively, if you have something you would like to see covered in The Zen Den, just let me know. Your feedback is welcome and valuable to the success of this blog. Finally, my heart is filled with gratitude to have this opportunity to share with all of you.
