By the time we are well into adulthood, most of us have established clearly defined comfort zones or modes in which we live.
We shouldn’t feel flawed or weak if we want to curl up in a ball and hunker down in our psychological safe zones; it is human nature.
But what we must be aware of is it doesn’t take long for the Big Bad Wolf to come knocking at our door, threatening to blow our house down and take our peace of mind with it!
It’s not a matter of ‘if’ it is a matter of ‘when’ our comfort zone will be challenged. Understanding our natural mode of avoidance and reactivity is essential to navigating and living our best life.
If you tend to live in adversarial mode – every human interaction can be seen as a competition. You may find your conversations riddled with one-upmanship. You feel the need to rephrase every statement into a context that shows you are smart and know better. If you recognize this as your default mode of comfort – you can challenge your comfort zone with a series of reflective questions. “Why do I always feel the need to have the last word, to restate someone’s sentence into my version of a better statement?” Becoming aware of your natural inclinations is the first step to rewiring your reactions.
Have you been told it seems like you are always in a hurry? If “frenzied” is how you define your daily life and you feel like you are always “under it” then chaos mode is most likely the zone which makes you feel the most comfortable – but that is the dichotomy. Unfortunately, chaos mode also leads to a roller coaster ride existence. It’s exhausting. The good news is you can take steps to change it. Try meditation breathing; download an app like Calm or Head Space to help you or consider joining a Yoga class.
Do you identify as a “drama queen.” This is your comfort zone and you breathe, live and love existing in drama mode. If it isn’t happening naturally around you, you will create it. Personal conflict, gossip and anything that falls into the category of “cra-cra” is your personal morphine.
But while drama is your favorite drug, it also has a huge unsavory hangover. Friends leave. Lovers grow tired of the shenanigans and you find yourself all alone trying to find someone to engage you. Serenity starts to sound sweet and you begin to crave something different for yourself. Try disconnecting for a while from all friends, groups, etc. which normally feed your need for drama. Find a hobby which makes you feel satisfied, happy and grateful for calm moments. You may feel dramatically different if you do.
As we see every day, there are millions of us who live in sensitive mode. If this is your default mode – anything and anyone can make you “feel” upset or offended at any given moment. From differences in politics and religion to comments which you take personally – you literally wear your heart and your emotions on your sleeve.
Like all the other modes, awareness of your natural comfort zone is the first step to changing it. What is it about feeling offended makes you feel good? That’s a good question to start with. Then challenge yourself to go a whole day without reacting emotionally to external circumstances which don’t have to affect your day at all. Turn off the news. Go for a walk in the park. Don’t interact with people that normally offend you. Take a break.
Angry, victim, hypochondriac, anti-social, etc. whatever our mode is – learning the truth about ourselves is what ultimately sets us free. If we don’t challenge our default mechanisms on a regular basis – these modes will become our comfort zone; which in the long run may be the most uncomfortable place to live.
This article was written by a guest blogger. The opinions expressed here are those of the writer and do not reflect the opinions of Bob Lacey, Sheri Lynch or the Bob & Sheri show.
The Zen Den
Hello and welcome to The Zen Den. My name is Alison and while I am passionate about many things, my most inspiring driving force is human connection. Blogger, content writer, orthopedic exercise specialist, motivational speaker, international yoga pro, published songwriter, avid poker player, mom and wife are just a few of my titles. But when I do my job at NASA, I am known simply as “The Fairy Zenmother” a role I deeply love because people invite me into their space to help them find their center, relax and stretch their muscles and destress their mind. Here in the blogosphere version of The Zen Den, I invite you into my world where I will explore ideas for creating a better tomorrow and a kinder today. And hopefully, with insight, authenticity and humor; my words, observations and experiences will help you feel calm, centered, intellectually challenged and spiritually enlightened. Alternatively, if you have something you would like to see covered in The Zen Den, just let me know. Your feedback is welcome and valuable to the success of this blog. Finally, my heart is filled with gratitude to have this opportunity to share with all of you.
