Initially, these two lovers were blinded by infatuation . . . like all new relationships; they were fully caught up in the excitement of new-found love. They got married before they really connected on a deep, human level. They had children before they understood that lasting love would be a choice they would have to make every day. And suddenly, they woke up in separate bedrooms, feeling lonely, emotionally bruised and viewing the other as the source of all of their unhappiness.
You chose each other because you believed your life would be better together. Since that moment, you have experienced a multitude of emotions – some joyous, some not so much. But if you allow the “not so much” to become the only thing you see and let anger and disdain cloud all the joy you once felt, you essentially make your spouse your enemy.
When you go to your corner and hold your ground, you only create an emotional stand- off. Someone will have to make the first move.
Would you be so brave and bold to make yourself vulnerable? Would you dare to feel the momentary pain of letting go of your anger and hurt to “lean in” and cross the icy tundra which has become the great divide in your relationship?
Ask yourself this, if this adversarial quagmire existed between you and your child . . . would you not try to get to the source of the pain? Would you not try everything you could to understand your role in their feelings of defiance? Would you not go to the ends of the earth to mend your relationship with your precious child? Would you not start with “I’m so sorry I have hurt you, please help me understand how I can make this better?”
I believe most of us would. So now try to understand why it is that you would be profoundly impotent to make the first move with your spouse?
If your relationship was worth it in the beginning, it is worth it now. Take that chance. Get in there and allow yourself to let go of your pain for the opportunity of full healing of both of your hearts. Listen without having a comeback. Hear with an unfiltered heart.
Step outside of your bruised ego and try to view your spouse as a human being, perhaps like a wounded child who is flawed, even broken, who is feeling the pain just as much as you are but displays it in a different way than you.
Would you be so adventurous as to allow yourself to be that love that is unconditional and nonjudgmental? The exact same love you would like to come back your way? Would you be willing to be the pioneer, the one who dares to take a step onto the frozen pond unsure if it will crack or hold you to the other side?
Life is too short to spend one day disconnected from the one you love. If you truly value your relationship, if you truly love your partner but you have been hurt so many times you have become closed off in your self-protecting armor . . . you are going to have to be oh so very brave.
Be brave enough to be vulnerable. And in the end, no matter how it turns out, you will have done everything you could to save the “two” from becoming “one” again.
The Zen Den
Hello and welcome to The Zen Den. My name is Alison and while I am passionate about many things, my most inspiring driving force is human connection. Blogger, content writer, orthopedic exercise specialist, motivational speaker, international yoga pro, published songwriter, avid poker player, mom and wife are just a few of my titles. But when I do my job at NASA, I am known simply as “The Fairy Zenmother” a role I deeply love because people invite me into their space to help them find their center, relax and stretch their muscles and destress their mind. Here in the blogosphere version of The Zen Den, I invite you into my world where I will explore ideas for creating a better tomorrow and a kinder today. And hopefully, with insight, authenticity and humor; my words, observations and experiences will help you feel calm, centered, intellectually challenged and spiritually enlightened. Alternatively, if you have something you would like to see covered in The Zen Den, just let me know. Your feedback is welcome and valuable to the success of this blog. Finally, my heart is filled with gratitude to have this opportunity to share with all of you.
