How anxiety, books, movement, motherhood, and burnout quietly shaped the work I do today.
People think I became a yoga teacher because I wanted to teach yoga. That’s really not the whole story or reason. I was born in Los Angeles, California before my family eventually settled in a suburb outside Cleveland, Ohio. Growing up I was always moving, dance, ballet, baton, gymnastics, basketball then in high school cheerleading. Movement has always been part of who I am.
I also loved something completely different, pop culture, fashion, music, and the typical teenage things kids liked in the 90’s. I was the teenager obsessed with Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, magazines, and Borders Books & Music. When Gwyneth talked about macrobiotics, I bought a book about it. While I was there another book practically jumped off the shelf at me, The Artist’s Way. I had no idea then how much that book would shape my life.
Top of Form
Bottom of Form
Around the same time I was quietly struggling with something I didn’t have words for yet. Anxiety and OCD, which I didn’t even know what OCD was. No one talked about anxiety or any mental health issues yet. I just knew that every night if a car drove down our street, I would get out of bed to make sure it didn’t stop in front of our house. I had to triple check things over and over, I had to do certain patterns, certian knocks, (yep, actually knocking on things so in my mind I thought nothing bad would happen.) Everything had to be an even number, I would count EVERYTHING i did, brushing my teeth, washing my hair, the volume on the TV or radio, the vacuume strokes, etc. We lived in one of the safest suburbs in the whole state of Ohio. We had a security system, nothing was actually happening, but in my bad I was so scared something bad was going to happen if i didn’t do these things, but it was actually my nervous system just never felt safe. I didn’t know it then, but that experience would become one of my greatest teachers.
In college I studied journalism and communications with a theater minor because I wanted to be an actress but also a news anchor and a co-host on The Today Show. I think I was the only little kid in elementary school watching The Today Show. I eventually moved back to LA to do the acting thing and went to a preforming arts school. I did a little modeling, auditioned, and worked out a lot. I went to Gold’s gym in West Hollywood, took dance classes, ran the Santa Monica stairs, roller bladed in Venice and Santa Monica, took Tae Bo classes and went to yoga. I went to yoga because it was the ‘in” workout. But, somewhere along the way happened and I fell in love with yoga. I went to get the yoga body but something else happened for the first time, my mind became quiet.
Eventually life brought me back to Ohio. There weren’t many yoga studios nearby, so I would drive twenty minutes just to take one class a week. Then I became a mom, one class a week became DVDs in my living room, then YouTube. Then a Pilates reformer studio opened by me and a spin studio so I started going there and eventually got certified in cycling and teaching cycling with a baby and toddler at home, then came Pure Barre and I was hooked going everyday of the week and eventually I became an instructor, but my love for yoga was still there and I was sooooo excited when a studio finally opened up by me, and even better, I grew up down the street from the owners and knew the family and was excited to support not only a local business but people I knew. After going there about a year the studio offered a yoga teacher training and I jumped at the chance and got certified. I started teaching at a few local studios and loved it but then I started teaching around 5-7 classes a week, while working full-time in radio, raising two daughters, and juggling competitive cheer schedules, one daughter was even on two teams and if you know club or competitive sports I am sure you know they’re a full time job onto themselves. I wore burnout like a badge of honor, until I couldn’t anymore.
A month before COVID, in February 2020, I told every studio I needed to slow down. Then the world slowed down for all of us. That season gave me the courage to build something of my own though. I started doing Facebook and Instagram Live classes as a way to stay in contact with my students and to workout myself. Sometimes the kids joined in too. Then I started my YouTube channel and eventually my own business and podcast. The summer of 2020 I also finally went to IIN, a health coaching and nutrition school that I had looked into for years and years and years, I read Glennon Doyles book Untamed and just jumped at the opportunity to finally go to IIN. I wanted to have a different way of helping women. I wanted to help them become stronger, calmer, and more confident. I knew I wanted to teach women that they are worthy, because of who they are not because of what they do or because of a title.
Today I’m in my 40’s, married for 18 years, have two daughters, 18 and 15 years old. I’ve lived through anxiety, burnout, perfectionism, the overwhelming noise of the wellness industry, and what I’ve learned is this:
Healing isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about finally feeling safe enough to become yourself. That’s the work I care about now and want to share and teach other women.
Nikki Lanigan
Nikki Lanigan is a yoga, HIIT, and Barre instructor, she is also a Holistic Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Nikki is trained in Yoga Shred, Yoga Psychology, meditation, chakra balancing, and EFT/Tapping. She has done trainings with Sadie Nardini and Ashley Turner. She got her 200 hour yoga teacher training in 2017 at the Carrie Treister School Of Yoga. Nikki takes a holistic view of health, helping her students and clients reach a place of self-love not just through movement, but with mindset and lifestyle guidance as well. Nikki is also show prep writer for The McVay Media Show Prep and host of the podcast Fit, Fun, and Frazzled. Connect with Nikki on Instagram. www.instagram.com/nikkilanigan.yogaandwellness www.instagram.com/fitfunandfrazzledpodcast
