“I can’t believe that idiot just cut me off going 80 mph, what an a-hole! I’ll show him . . .” And the angry driver speeds up to his tormentor’s window makes eye-contact and shoots the bird. Game on. And your usually calm drive to your mother’s house becomes a gauntlet of doom simply because you share the same road with these two very self-centered, reactive people.
Sadly this type of fomented rage happens every single day on highways, in dysfunctional homes and toxic chatrooms and newsfeeds. Emotionally charged and momentarily triggered, the reactive mind behaves spontaneously without thought or logical reasoning. When anger is allowed to lurk beneath the surface of civility – anything and anyone can instigate a volatile reaction in the non-centered mind.
Recently I was the target of someone triggered to the point of violent anger; one seemingly benign observational statement . . . turned a lifelong friend into a raging, foaming-at-the-mouth attack dog. It was sudden, shocking and in that instant I felt very threatened. But as soon as my brain was able to process the vile onslaught, my emotions went from fear to deep sadness. Why? Because I immediately understood that nothing that was happening was about me. This friend was in the clutches of something so toxic and dangerous it wouldn’t have mattered who came along and stepped on the landmines she’d strategically placed; in fact, this was the drama she was hoping for.
How and why does this happen to someone, especially a person who has a high degree of education, functions relatively well in society and seems “normal”?
It begins in the mind. We all are the result of our thoughts. What we think about day in and day out becomes the story we not only believe about ourselves, but the narrative we adhere to about the world around us. The more we read and feed that narrative, the more our thinking and our actions respond to the belief system we’ve created in our own mind.
A recent article on the psychology of thought states, “Our thoughts can change the way we behave, the decisions we make, and the feelings we experience. In short, they have a lot of influence over us, more so than we think.”
Based on this line of reasoning, it would behoove us all to pause throughout the day and listen to our thoughts. Awareness is the beginning of choosing perhaps a more positive path for our internal narrative, peace of mind and quality of life.
I have been practicing this: Is this thought useful? How does it behave?
Just pausing long enough to ask these two questions has proven effective to disrupt negative thoughts which don’t serve me or anyone who comes into my little circle.
Living angry and reactive or peaceful and reflective is always a choice within our power to make. But first, we have to think about it.
The Zen Den
Hello and welcome to The Zen Den. My name is Alison and while I am passionate about many things, my most inspiring driving force is human connection. Blogger, content writer, orthopedic exercise specialist, motivational speaker, international yoga pro, published songwriter, avid poker player, mom and wife are just a few of my titles. But when I do my job at NASA, I am known simply as “The Fairy Zenmother” a role I deeply love because people invite me into their space to help them find their center, relax and stretch their muscles and destress their mind. Here in the blogosphere version of The Zen Den, I invite you into my world where I will explore ideas for creating a better tomorrow and a kinder today. And hopefully, with insight, authenticity and humor; my words, observations and experiences will help you feel calm, centered, intellectually challenged and spiritually enlightened. Alternatively, if you have something you would like to see covered in The Zen Den, just let me know. Your feedback is welcome and valuable to the success of this blog. Finally, my heart is filled with gratitude to have this opportunity to share with all of you.
