“This is how I love.”
Books to Blogs #21
Book: 3001 Questions All About Me
Question#: 2039
Prompt: “Are my relationships all about transactions?
I paused when I read this question.
Because at first, the word transaction feels cold.
It sounds like keeping score.
Like, I did this for you, so now you owe me.
Like love, friendship, family, or connection becomes something measured, balanced, and tracked.
But the more I sat with it, the more I realized this question is not only asking whether my relationships are transactional.
It is asking me to notice where I may be giving with expectation.
Where I may be receiving with guilt.
Where I may be overextending because I want to feel needed.
Where I may be holding quiet resentment because I hoped someone would notice how much I was doing without me having to say it.
And that is where the question becomes more honest.
Because relationships do include exchange.
We exchange time.
Energy.
Attention.
Support.
Love.
Care.
Listening.
Presence.
The problem is not the exchange.
The problem begins when the exchange becomes a ledger.
When kindness turns into currency.
When help comes with invisible strings.
When love feels conditional.
When we start asking, What am I getting back? more than What am I participating in?
I heard something today on The Bob & Sheri Show that stayed with me.
Sheri was talking about what she does when she has to leave to care for her mom.
Before she goes, she prepares.
She cooks extra meals and leaves them in the freezer.
She makes her husband’s favorite cookies and leaves them in a container on the counter.
She makes sure he has everything he could need or want in her absence.
Someone pointed out that she could be creating extra work for herself.
And maybe… from the outside, it looks that way.
But when she spoke about it, it didn’t feel like obligation.
It didn’t feel like pressure.
It didn’t feel like “I have to do this.”
For her, it was love.
And that’s where this conversation shifts.
What struck me most wasn’t what she did—
it was that she didn’t have to think about it.
It was just who she is.
Because not everyone loves that way.
Not everyone thinks ahead like that.
Not everyone expresses care through preparation, acts of service, or anticipating needs.
And that doesn’t automatically mean something is missing.
It means we love differently.
The important distinction isn’t what is being done.
It’s why.
If something is given freely, without resentment, without keeping score, without needing it to be matched in the same way…
Then it’s not a transaction.
It’s an expression.
Where this can become complicated is when that same energy is given with an unspoken hope:
I do this… so you should do it too.
That’s where the ledger quietly returns.
This doesn’t just show up in big gestures… it shows up in everyday life.
This also made me think about my own relationship.
We each have things we naturally take care of in our own way.
I’m the cook.
He’s better at cleaning—floors, rugs, bathrooms, cars.
We share the laundry.
I clean the cat boxes.
He handles the heavy litter when it’s time to take it out.
We both feed the pets.
There’s a rhythm to it.
Not because we sat down and assigned roles like a contract…
but because over time, we settled into what works.
I’ll admit—I’m responsible for the clutter.
And he balances that in ways I don’t.
He travels more than I do.
And when he does, I find myself asking if he has everything he needs—
if there’s anything he forgot—
if there’s something I can do before he leaves.
Not because I have to.
But because that’s how I love.
It doesn’t feel like a transaction.
It feels like participation.
It feels like two people contributing in different ways,
at different times,
without needing it to look exactly the same.
That doesn’t mean everything is always equal.
It means it’s understood.
A healthy relationship has movement.
There are seasons where one person gives more.
Seasons where one person needs more.
Seasons where the balance looks uneven from the outside, but the heart of the relationship is still intact.
But if a relationship consistently leaves you feeling depleted, used, unseen, or obligated, then it may be worth asking:
Is this connection mutual?
Is there care flowing both ways?
Do I feel free to say no?
Do I feel valued beyond what I can provide?
Sometimes the transaction is obvious.
Other times, it is subtle.
It hides in people-pleasing.
In guilt.
In obligation.
In silence.
In the belief that love has to be earned.
This prompt reminded me that the goal is not to remove exchange from relationships.
The goal is to return to sincerity.
To give because it is true.
To receive without shame.
To ask clearly instead of expecting others to read our minds.
To stop confusing sacrifice with love.
Because real relationships are not built on perfect balance.
They are built on honesty, respect, presence, and the willingness to care without turning every moment into a debt.
Maybe the better question is not, Are my relationships all about transactions?
Maybe it is:
Where have I mistaken obligation for connection?
Where have I been keeping score?
And where am I ready to love, give, and receive more freely?
Maybe love isn’t about keeping things even…
but about recognizing the many ways we show up for each other.
This is how I love.
Reflection Prompts:
• What relationships in your life feel mutual and nourishing?
• Where do you feel obligated instead of connected?
• Do you give with expectation, or from genuine willingness?
• Can you recognize the different ways people express love in your life?
• Where are you ready to release the ledger?
Theresa
Flexible Being
Empowering Your Journey to Healing, Clarity, and Self-Discovery.
Concrete solutions. Flexible guidance.
When you’re ready, reach out—I’d love to continue the conversation.
Email: theresa@flexiblebeing.com
Website: www.flexiblebeing.com
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@theresamartinezshapiro
@flexiblebeing
Theresa Martinez-Shapiro
Hello! I am Theresa Martinez-Shapiro; Wife to Robert. Founder of Flexible Being. A Master Reiki Therapist, Certified Oracle Guide, Spiritual Mentor/Guide, Intuitive Empath, Coach, and Educator. I am a fur mom to 3 cats and 1 dog – Sonny, Patches, Ryelee, and Winnie. We currently live and practice in Stockton, California. We operate three businesses – Shapiro Holistic Health and Chiropractic, Fusion Health APC, and Synergy Health MSO, where we seek to improve and change the lives of our patients and those we have the privilege of crossing paths with. My healing and mentoring journey began around 5 years old when I discovered that I was put on this planet to help others. I knew I was different, unique, and gifted. I did not see the world the same way everyone else did, and recognized I was meant to do so much more. I began to research, spending a lot of time reading & asking a lot of questions to anyone that wanted to share stories about their life experiences. I am a dreamer and had a unique relationship with the dream world. My very real, vivid & lucid dreams began turning into out-of-body experiences and unexplained occurrences. I began doing my own dream interpretations to look for patterns & a new way of deciphering life. Family members were part of many different religions, so I was educated in Catholicism, Buddhism, Metaphysics, and Native American culture & beliefs. Along the way, I took up multiple mentors that cultivated my growth and expansion of my gifts, allowing me to focus on my potential and purpose. As an adult, coworkers were unloading their life stories, internal secrets, and things that had not been shared or even spoken out loud. I began to share those experiences with my aunt & Reiki Master/Teacher, Carmen. In 2012, Carmen told me, “I think you are ready to walk the path I always knew you were meant to walk”. That saying began my obsessive journey into Reiki, Spirituality, Psychology, Intuition and Psychic gifts, Meditation and Mindfulness, Past Lives, Consciousness, Energy Medicine, Mysteries of the Universe, Moon and Sun cycles, Astrology, Numerology, Oracle Cards, Shamanism, & so much more. My journey has helped me to assist patients, clients, families, and friends discover who they have been, who they are, and who they want to become. I am expanding my reach and educating others by authoring Musings of a Flexible Being, and I look forward to sharing my journey with you. Thank you! Theresa Martinez-Shapiro Flexible Being Website: www.flexiblebeing.com Socials: Facebook: @flexiblebeingonline Instagram:@theresamartinezshapiro Instagram: @flexiblebeing
